We Say More Than We Realize – Body Language Can Be Powerful

Number 124

In a dog training ring it can be easy to see that our success depends on how we move our bodies. With practice we discover that every movement, and even each shift in our attitude, may change the way our dogs respond to our commands.

Although we are less conscious of it, the same thing can happen in a business meeting. When we are with other people we send a constant stream of nonverbal messages. Body language can signal far more than we realize about what we really feel and think. For example, if we are feeling a crisis of confidence, our tiny gestures, our quickly passing “micro” facial expressions, and the tension in our stance may signal our uncertainty, no matter how powerful we make our words sound.

While some people seem to have an innate ability to pick up nonverbal cues from others, there does not seem to be a simple system for using our bodies to transmit the messages we really want to send.

When clients raise the issue of body language, I typically suggest that the way to get started is to learn to better manage your state of being. For example, if you can make yourself feel calm and confident your body language will reflect that state. Dogs and people alike will pick up the message that you are in a good place.

A recent book about body language appeals to me because it embraces the idea that your body reflects the way you are experiencing your life. I recommend “You Say More Than You Think: Use the New Body Language to Get What You Want!” by Janine Driver (with Mariska van Aals).

The book is structured as a 7-day plan for changing your body language. I didn’t find that plan to be realistic, but the book was enjoyable and offered some interesting suggestions, including these:

• Be a mirror. Cautiously mimic the gestures and voice tones of the people you are with. It’s important not to overdo it, but you can build a mood of empathy if your moves are similar to theirs.
• Nod attentively. The trick is to nod just enough, and not too much. Short single nods suggest that you are listening intently, but double nods may seem like you want the speaker to hurry up.
• Keep moving. If you want to make it feel like you have known someone forever, break your meeting into several stages and locations. Car dealers know this when they move the meeting from the display floor to an office.
• Stay on their good side. Driver says that each of us has a side from which we prefer to be approached. About half of us like to have people on our left side, and about half prefer the right. She suggests that you notice which is your good side, and also that you observe the side preferred by those you want to please or impress.
• Follow the “Belly Button Rule”. Some researchers report that the direction of your torso is the key cue to your level of interest. Driver says “The direction our belly button faces reflects our attitude and reveals our emotional state. When we suddenly turn our navel toward a door or an exit or simply away from someone, we subconsciously send the signal that we want out of the conversation.” Direct your belly button toward your boss and you will signal loyalty and attention. And know that when two people have parallel belly buttons they may want to keep their conversation private