Eight tips on how to say
“Thanks!” or “Good job!”
Humans are inherently social, and all healthy people have a deep need for acceptance and appreciation. At work, even confident people may begin to feel uncertain and uneasy if they seldom receive explicit positive feedback
My client “Josh,” the general counsel of a federal agency, didn’t understand the human need for recognition. Finally, he came to coaching after a staff survey helped him realize that most of his junior lawyers felt under-appreciated. They had real concerns about his leadership style, and they said that his disinterest was undercutting their ability to do good work.
Josh’s initial reaction was defensive and disdainful. He said, “Grown-up lawyers shouldn’t expect gratitude just for doing excellent work. They get paid, don’t they? And when I don’t comment they should know everything is OK, because I always tell them when they screw up.”
We spoke about how people yearn for recognition, and why they are likely to do their best when they feel that their efforts are appreciated. And I pointed to numerous studies demonstrating that people will be more productive in a positive work environment.
Eventually Josh agreed to try an experiment. Every workday he put three quarters in his pocket. Each time he thanked or complimented a team member, he could remove one coin. And he couldn’t go home until his pocket was empty.
After the first week, Josh said he was enjoying the experiment more than he had expected. But he still felt awkward saying “thanks,” so he was looking for more occasions to practice. He began to say “thank you” at home, in the coffee shop, and wherever he went on the weekend.
The more Josh practiced, the more comfortable he felt offering thanks and positive feedback. And he was having fun with it. He said, “the amazing thing is not that it makes them happy, but that it makes me happy, too.” He noticed that saying “thanks” in an authentic way actually made him feel more grateful and that experiencing gratitude can be life changing.
Soon Josh quit carrying the quarters because he no longer needed them. He said he was addicted to his “thank you” habit, and it had changed the way he looked at many parts of his life.
Well-crafted words of thanks and praise can serve as powerful positive reinforcement, guiding and supporting your colleagues to achieve, change and grow. By regularly thanking or acknowledging people for their work, you can help to shape a more positive and collaborative office environment, even if you’re not the boss.
