Self-determination can keep you moving forward when the going is tough

Number 161

Municipal Judge-elect Gayle Williams-Byers has kept pushing toward her goals, even when life seems to have stacked the odds against her. A low point came a few months ago when she was going door-to-door, talking about her plan to bring change to the South Euclid Municipal Court system.

At the first house on a long street, an angry man refused to listen to her pitch. He jabbed her with his finger saying, “We don’t want to hear it. We’ve already made up our minds. You got no chance kid.”

Gayle was tired. She looked down the row of about 30 houses and thought, “I don’t think I can do this again.”

Gayle almost gave up. I asked her why she didn’t. She said, “that’s what self-determination is. You dig really deep when you don’t want to, and you decide to take one more step.”

Gayle shares her parents’ belief that, no matter how humble your beginning, you can become just about anything you want. She says, “If you can imagine it, you can do it.” Here are Gayle’s tips for developing your self-determination:

• Have a big goal. It is easier to keep going when you have a goal that is bigger than yourself. For her judicial race, Gayle developed a comprehensive plan for the court, and when she felt discouraged she tried to stay focused on what the change could mean for her community.
• Control what you can control, and work to accept the rest. When Gayle had cancer she faced challenges that she couldn’t control, but she focused her energy on studying hard and taking care of herself. She says she couldn’t control the fact of having cancer, but she could control how she spent her time.
• Find mentors and role models. Gayle deeply respects her parents and continues to learn from them. And she also hasn’t been shy about recruiting other mentors. It is easier to keep going in the tough times if you’ve built yourself a cheering squad. And if you know how to ask for help.
• Laugh at yourself. There’s a danger that self-determination can morph into arrogance or self-righteousness. A good way to avoid that is to keep your sense of humor, including when it comes to your own failures and mistakes.
• Keep learning. No matter what your goals, opportunities will continue to present if you stay engaged in learning. At all times it’s important to be on some kind of learning path, whether you’re taking a class or pursuing a new hobby.
• Build your confidence. An element of self-determination, of course, is confidence. One way to become more confident is by defining and achieving a series of small goals. A clear understanding of your own belief system can make you feel stronger, and Gayle says that some of her confidence is rooted in her faith.