Does Your Take on Punctuality Cause Stress or Conflict?

American business etiquette requires that you show up for appointments and meetings at the scheduled time. In some organizations the rule is tougher, and to be considered on time you must actually arrive a little early.

But that standard isn’t universal. U.S. workplace practices vary widely, and in some international cultures there is even more tolerance for lateness.

Flexible attitudes about punctuality can work well when people who work or live together know what to expect. For example, there is no problem when everyone in the group understands that the “2 o'clock meeting” really starts at 2:30.

But hurt feelings and conflicts arise when there is no shared view about the value of timeliness. When your approach to promptness differs from those around you, the result can be widespread daily annoyances. In extreme cases, people may be fired, or relationships destroyed.

If you’re trying to ease tension in your life, clarify how you feel about punctuality and explore whether your views and practices are aligned with those in your environment. As you ask whether timeliness issues are causing problems, consider these strategies:

• Know the rules. The organizations you deal with may have explicit policies about punctuality. But sometimes the general practice is nothing like the policy manual. When you start interacting with a new group, inquire about preferences for meeting start times.
• Bank goodwill. Even if you find it tough to get there on time, make your best effort to do it as often as possible. If you can establish a reputation for being punctual, people are more likely to be tolerant when you really can’t help being late.
• Know what you're saying. When you're late, other people may take offense, believing your lateness expresses low regard for them. On the other hand, if you’re obsessively on time in a culture that is more relaxed, you might come across as intolerant. Try to notice what your approach to punctuality is communicating to those around you. And moderate the messages sent by your behavior; be prepared to sincerely apologize for any inconvenience you cause.
• Lighten up. If being kept waiting always upsets you, you may be indulging in unnecessary pain. The first step in letting go of your negative emotions is to acknowledge that when others are late it's probably not about you -- it's a reflection of what's going on in their lives. For example, the late arrivers could be struggling with traffic. Instead of fuming, use the waiting time productively, or spend it on something you enjoy, like reading or enjoying a quiet moment for reflection. And when you’re the one who is stuck in traffic, take some deep breaths — giving in to anxiety won’t get you there any faster.
• Respect your team. If you’re a leader, you have a special obligation to stay on time. If you’re never prompt, it will undercut the efficiency of the whole group. And if you are on time for your superiors, but not for the people who report to you, you may foster a culture where it is considered OK to treat staff with a lack of respect.
• Negotiate new rules. If you and a friend or colleague have different views about the importance of being punctual, it might be useful to talk. Whether you tend to be tardy, or you're the one who's kept waiting, you can smooth a relationship by forging new, shared rules about punctuality. Openly discuss questions like these:
  • Are meeting times a bit flexible, reflecting travel and other uncertainties? For example, is it always OK to arrive 15 minutes late for lunch with a friend? Does the person who travels the furthest get more flexibility?
  • Is it sometimes OK to be really late, like when your buddy is waiting for you in a bar downstairs but there's a crisis at work?
  • When is lateness just plain wrong, like when your new boss is introducing you and your spouse to his biggest client?
  • When is it better to be a little late, like at a dinner party in somebone's home?
  • What is the best way to take the sting out of lateness, like giving early notice, or doing better the next time?