eZine

Number 127

Shijo faced a career crisis. He had served his boss loyally for years, but now he was out of favor because he had suggested radical new ways of doing things. His boss had threatened to demote Shijo and transfer him to a remote branch of the organization.

Shijo’s innovative but controversial ideas had been inspired by his mentor. So he wrote to that wise man, expressing frustration and seeking advice. Hot-tempered Shijo may have been surprised by what the mentor wrote back. He told Shijo, essentially, to suck it up, keep a low profile for a while, and look within himself to find gratitude for favors that the boss had bestowed in earlier years.

Shijo was a 13^th Century Japanese samurai, committed to serve a powerful warlord. Shijo’s mentor was Nichiren, the founder of a school of Buddhism that challenged the authoritarian doctrine of the day and that offered the Buddhist way as a practical path available to ordinary people.

Nichiren speculated that Shijo’s rivals might be speaking ill of him. He urged Shijo to restrain his anger, act cautiously and genuinely bury any resentment he might feel toward his lord. In a now-famous letter to Shijo, Nichiren offered this advice:

Worthy persons deserve to be called so because they are not carried away by the eight winds: prosperity, decline, disgrace, honor, praise, censure, suffering, and pleasure. They are neither elated by prosperity nor grieved by decline. The heavenly gods will surely protect one who is unbending before the eight winds. But if you nurse an unreasonable grudge against your lord, they will not protect you, not for all your prayers.

In writing about the “eight winds,” Nichiren suggested that an enlightened person is unfazed by either disaster or good fortune. An essential part of his message was that, regardless of the unfair situation in which Shijo found himself, it was up to him to stay cool and find a way to make things better.

Nichiren offered excellent strategic advice, and Shijo eventually got his career back on track. He refused to be shaken or humiliated during his years out of favor, and he persevered in seeking ways to support his boss. Ultimately the warlord noticed Shijo’s loyal service, and restored and expanded his old job.

In “The Buddha In Your Rearview Mirror,” Woody Hochswender says that what Nichiren was describing is sometimes known as “grace under fire.” It is, he said, the quality that George Washington displayed when he resisted despair during the darkest days of the Revolution.

But there are also four positive winds that we are wise to resist. It can be dangerous to be infatuated with your success, or preoccupied and sidetracked by wealth or praise. Hochswender suggests that we observe the sad personal histories of lottery jackpot winners for examples of what happens with too much prosperity, too fast.

Number 126

Our routine practices – our normal ways of doing things – shape much of our time, even though we may not be conscious of these habitual patterns. But we have the power to transform our lives by examining our own activities, and replacing some of our habits with a new set of practices that are both mindful and rewarding.

This kind of mindful “practice” is close to the conscious, regular activity you might undertake if you pursue yoga or the martial arts. This “practice” is something that you do on a regular basis, as an integral part of your daily life, while remaining fully aware of why you are choosing to do it. Practices have the power not only to take you to big change, but also to bring you a sense of fulfillment while you are still moving slowly along the path.

It took me a while to grasp this concept of “practice.” What it requires is that you take a fresh look at some specific aspect of your life, identify a small change that would bring better alignment with your goals and values, and promise yourself to frequently and consistently act on that change. As you incorporate a few conscious practices into your routines, you will subtly change your state of mind. The consistency of the practices may enrich your life, even if the progress to your bigger goals is quite slow.

Wherever you are in your profession, or your broader life, you can restructure everything by breaking major patterns into a series of new practices. Here are examples of transformational practices:

• Use checklists. We may waste time and worry packing the same suitcases, planning the same kind of events, or completing the same old tasks. We can avoid forgetting things and reduce hassle by following the practice of creating checklists for repetitive activities. When you consistently rely on checklists you can let go of some nagging thoughts and dedicate brainpower to more interesting challenges.
• Manage your health. Even if you haven’t been taking good care of your self, you done have routines for staying well groomed and healthy, like brushing your teeth and bathing. Expand your established habits to include daily practices that will help you to become more fit. If you don’t already exercise, consider the practice of accumulating 30 minutes of walking every single day.
• Clean as you go. If you are tired of the disorder around you, consider a few practices that could change it. Consider practices like cleaning your desk at the end of the day, or making your bed as soon as you get up, or putting away clothing every day. Even very small steps, like finding a regular place for your keys, may reduce stress and help keep you grounded.
• Listen. Sometimes we become so entangled in our own thoughts that we stop really listening to the people around us. When you are no longer listening, you may feel disengaged or overwhelmed, and at the same time you may turn off other people. You can regain a sense of connection by committing to a listening practice. That might be as simple as adopting the practice of deeply listening to your family members or co-workers for at least five minutes, three times a day.
• Change the rules of engagement. You can agree with other people to choose the practices through which you will work out disagreements. For example, for some couples a classic practice is to avoid going to bed angry. Others may choose techniques like asking for a “time out” when they feel the need for a cooling off period, or treating each other with specific forms of kindness.
• Develop new skills. Do you want to learn to play a musical instrument or learn a new language? Committing yourself to a regular schedule of practicing will bring you results, and the daily commitment is itself a practice. If you remain conscious that you must squeeze in a little time every day for something you care about, you tend to deeper awareness of how you manage your time.

In a regular U.S. News & World Report feature called “Second Acts,” Kerry Hannon writes about Americans between the ages of 44 and 70 who have launched “encore careers.” For more than three years, she has been interviewing some of the estimated 8.4 million Americans who have moved from a corporate or other traditional job track to an entirely new career that combines income with personal meaning and social impact.

In “What Next?” Hannon offers portraits of 16 people who have chosen new paths. She also offers much information that could help you to “reinvent your own career or to pursue a long-held dream.” She says that now may be your chance “to get excited about work once again, to feel revived and passionate about making a difference in the world.”

Hannon asked me for tips for her readers who may be planning a second career. Here are some of my suggestions:

• It’s never too early to think about your next act. The more time you have to plan, the better. Start years ahead to explore ideas and possibilities. When something starts to feel right, get a bit of practice to see if this is really the direction you want to go.
• Take small steps. Don’t struggle to find an ideal starting point or perfect path. Once you have some picture of where you want to head, get things moving by taking tiny steps toward that vision. Your activity won’t be linear and you don’t need to plot out your steps in advance. What really matters is that you do a little something on a regular basis. Even if you take just one baby step a week, at the end of a year you will have made real progress toward change.
• Get your life in order. It may be a second act but it will still be your same life. Get rid of clutter, pay off your debts, or take other steps to reduce the disorder in your life. If your broader life is in great shape, your second act will come more easily.
• Get fit. And speaking of being in great shape, becoming as healthy as possible is an important part of preparing for your new phase. When you are physically fit, you have more energy and are mentally sharper to face the challenges ahead.
• Start a journal. Journaling is a great way to map your new career direction. For example, make lists: the best times in your life, the things you really like to do, or moments when you have excelled in your current job. Or write out questions about what you want next, and then write yourself answers.
• Get a business card. Want to be an artist, even though you’re still working as a lawyer? Get an artist’s card. As soon as you have a business card your new career will feel real. You can get a second-act card long before you finish your first act, and having a card may speed your transformation.

Number 124

In a dog training ring it can be easy to see that our success depends on how we move our bodies. With practice we discover that every movement, and even each shift in our attitude, may change the way our dogs respond to our commands.

Although we are less conscious of it, the same thing can happen in a business meeting. When we are with other people we send a constant stream of nonverbal messages. Body language can signal far more than we realize about what we really feel and think. For example, if we are feeling a crisis of confidence, our tiny gestures, our quickly passing “micro” facial expressions, and the tension in our stance may signal our uncertainty, no matter how powerful we make our words sound.

While some people seem to have an innate ability to pick up nonverbal cues from others, there does not seem to be a simple system for using our bodies to transmit the messages we really want to send.

When clients raise the issue of body language, I typically suggest that the way to get started is to learn to better manage your state of being. For example, if you can make yourself feel calm and confident your body language will reflect that state. Dogs and people alike will pick up the message that you are in a good place.

A recent book about body language appeals to me because it embraces the idea that your body reflects the way you are experiencing your life. I recommend “You Say More Than You Think: Use the New Body Language to Get What You Want!” by Janine Driver (with Mariska van Aals).

The book is structured as a 7-day plan for changing your body language. I didn’t find that plan to be realistic, but the book was enjoyable and offered some interesting suggestions, including these:

• Be a mirror. Cautiously mimic the gestures and voice tones of the people you are with. It’s important not to overdo it, but you can build a mood of empathy if your moves are similar to theirs.
• Nod attentively. The trick is to nod just enough, and not too much. Short single nods suggest that you are listening intently, but double nods may seem like you want the speaker to hurry up.
• Keep moving. If you want to make it feel like you have known someone forever, break your meeting into several stages and locations. Car dealers know this when they move the meeting from the display floor to an office.
• Stay on their good side. Driver says that each of us has a side from which we prefer to be approached. About half of us like to have people on our left side, and about half prefer the right. She suggests that you notice which is your good side, and also that you observe the side preferred by those you want to please or impress.
• Follow the “Belly Button Rule”. Some researchers report that the direction of your torso is the key cue to your level of interest. Driver says “The direction our belly button faces reflects our attitude and reveals our emotional state. When we suddenly turn our navel toward a door or an exit or simply away from someone, we subconsciously send the signal that we want out of the conversation.” Direct your belly button toward your boss and you will signal loyalty and attention. And know that when two people have parallel belly buttons they may want to keep their conversation private

Number 123

Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt explores ten “Great Ideas” in his intriguing book, “The Happiness Hypothesis – Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom.” Each chapter describes an important idea that has been discovered by several of the world’s civilizations, and examines that idea in light of modern scientific research.

The ancient truth providing a foundation for the book is that the human mind is the divided into two parts – the conscious, reasoning side and the emotional side – and those parts are often in conflict.

The image Haidt uses to describe our divided mind is that of a rational Rider perched upon a powerful, passionate Elephant. The Rider holds the reins and seems to be the leader. But the Rider’s control is precarious because it is so small relative to the powerful Elephant.

Reason and emotion can work together to create intelligent behavior, but the emotional, intuitive Elephant actually does most of the work. And when the Elephant wants to go its own way, the Rider is helpless.

Chip Heath & Dan Heath build upon Haidt’s Elephant and Rider analogy in their compelling new book, “Switch – How to Change Things When Change is Hard.” They explain, “Anytime the six-ton Elephant and the Rider disagree about which direction to go, the Rider is going to lose. He’s completely overmatched.”

The Heaths point to research that suggests that self-control is an exhaustible resource. They say that dozens of studies demonstrate that self-supervision is exhausting. In other words, when you try to change things, like your eating or work habits, your Rider is called upon to work hard. After a while, a tired Rider won’t be able to lead an unwilling Elephant and you will run out of will power.

While changing yourself or others is never easy, the Heaths say it will be easier if you can get the Rider and the Elephant to work together. They offer a three-part framework to guide your change process:

• Direct the Rider. What looks like resistance to change is often a lack of clarity. Speed the process by offering clear direction:
  • Focus on bright spots. Find areas that are working, and then clone them.
  • Script the critical moves. Instead of trying to capture the entire big picture, specify manageable immediate steps in the right direction.
  • Point to the destination. Find a simple way of explaining where you are going and why it is worth it.

• Motivate the Elephant. Connect on an emotional level, to keep the Elephant moving forward:
  • Find the feeling. When people push for change and it doesn’t happen they may chalk it up to a lack of understanding. But we can’t simply think our way into a new behavior. It’s emotion that gets the Elephant moving.
  • Shrink the change. Break down the change until it is so small that it no longer spooks the Elephant.
  • Grow your people. Cultivate a sense of identity with the project and instill an optimistic growth mind-set, so that your team feels like it can manage the change.

• Shape the Path. If you want people to change, make the process easier:
  • Tweak the environment. If you change the situation, the behavior will change.
  • Build habits. The more instinctive a behavior becomes, the less self-control it requires from the Rider, and the more sustainable it becomes.
  • Rally the herd. Behavior is contagious. Help it spread by modeling the behavior and recruiting early followers.

Number 122

Benjamin Franklin had only two years of formal schooling, but he educated himself to become a leading American thinker, an extraordinary innovator and a major Enlightenment figure.

As a teenager, Franklin methodically taught himself to write and speak well. He read essays in leading English journals, took brief notes, then later recreated the essays in his own words. Franklin found ways to develop his skill sets and later he found ways to teach others to do the same thing.

In his days as a printer, Franklin published “Poor Richard's Almanack,” which is best remembered for the maxims that he scattered throughout each annual issue. Franklin borrowed wisdom from the classics and folklore and restated it in pithy, succinct prose. He shared his philosophy of self-management with gems like these:

• A good example is the best sermon.
• Diligence is the mother of good luck.
• Search others for their virtues, thy self for thy vices.
• He’s a fool that cannot conceal his wisdom.
• No gains without pains

In his autobiography, Franklin described the way that, as a young man, he attempted to systemically shape certain of his own standards of behavior. He undertook, he said, a "bold and arduous Project of arriving at moral Perfection."

In the course of this self-help project, Franklin listed thirteen “virtues” he wanted to develop. Then he created a book with columns for each day of the week, in which he marked with black spots any offenses against each virtue.

Franklin, speaking of these early efforts with a sense of humor, said that he eventually realized that perfection cannot be attained. Nevertheless, he felt better and happier because of his attempt. Among the characteristics Franklin worked on were:

• Order – “Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.” (Franklin said that this was the toughest “virtue” for him.)
• Resolution — “Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.”
• Frugality — “Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.”
• Industry — “Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.”
• Sincerity — “Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.”