career resilience

5 Keys to Handling Failure at Work

Posted by Beverly Jones on May 13, 2019

You CAN come back from

a career catastrophe!

Everybody encounters bad days on the job. And sometimes even a modest career stumble can feel like the end of the world. But you can come back from professional disasters. I know that not only from my own life, but also from watching how my executive coaching clients often rebound.

Let’s look at one example I’ll call “Holly.” She was a confident star during college and then sailed through business school. From there she was recruited by the marketing department of a major consumer goods company, where her goal was to move quickly into a management role.

Holly has a knack for coming up with clever ideas, and she knows how to execute them. So her colleagues weren’t surprised when, after just a few years on the job, she was named the team leader for the launch of a high priority product. Holly was thrilled by the opportunity, she was sure the project would be a success, and she saw it as her ticket to an early promotion.

But things didn’t work out as Holly expected. The product was bogged down by production issues. Her team members couldn’t agree about how to shape the campaign. And her young digital marketing experts had trouble relating to a product designed to appeal to an older, affluent consumer.

Eventually the launch team was disbanded, the product was put on a back burner, and Holly was reassigned to work on routine messaging for one of the company’s longtime brands. To Holly this felt like a career-killing disaster. In some moments she blamed the situation on her team, but often she berated herself for being weak and stupid. Her sense of failure sometimes made her feel sick.

When I met Holly, I suspected that she had breezed through school with what renowned psychologist Carol Dweck has called a “fixed mindset.” Holly believed her parents when they said she was destined for business success. She felt special, and she thought her talent would always keep her on track. And then when she couldn’t complete this key assignment, her humiliation was overwhelming.

In her influential book “Mindset,”Dr. Dweck used the term “mindset”to describe the attitude you adopt regarding your abilities. Her research suggests that your perception of your strengths and intelligence can profoundly impact the way you live your life. And people with a fixed mindset tend to believe that their personal traits are carved into stone. When a person with a fixed attitude, like Holly, fails to achieve, it can make her feel like her personal characteristics aren’t good enough, and the resulting pain can be as debilitating as a physical blow.

On the other hand, Dr. Dweck says that people with a “growth mindset”understand that the idea of a fixed IQ and set of skills is dated. They know that humans can cultivate their basic abilities through learning, experience and help from others. And when people with a growth mindset experience a setback they may feel some pain, but they recognize that the misadventure is a chance to learn, and they keep moving.

Holly started shifting her attitude and getting back her energy at work when she recalled the many times over the years when she’d been able to learn new things. From reflecting on past recoveries, she realized that she could learn from this situation as well. She turned her attention to her long-term career goals and came up with new strategies for heading in that direction.

Holly gave up the idea of her career as a direct path toward a defined outcome, and started thinking of it as an interesting and winding process. And she recognized that the team leadership role had given her a chance to test her managerial skills and identify ways to make them more effective.

Here are strategies that worked for Holly and might work for you:

Talk about it. Not everything you do on the job will end well. But if you never speak of your missteps, their importance may grow in your mind. You can take the agony out of your stumble by bringing it into the light. This doesn’t mean prolonged venting. The smart way to talk about a fiasco is to frame it in an objective way. At first it was difficult for Holly to acknowledge that she had made some mistakes. But she was able to discuss the project in a positive way once she had collected the data and written a matter-of-fact account of the team’s activities. Her report noted what the team learned at each stage and mentioned the positive contributions that various teammates made along the way.
Apologize if you hurt someone. Sometimes projects don’t work out but there’s no need to feel shame. However, if you let someone down, made a bad decision or were insensitive, it might be time to say you’re sorry. Start by acknowledging precisely what you did. Then describe what you will do to make things better and avoid the same mistake in the future. Keep your comments simple and straightforward, and be prepared to listen to what the injured person has to say.
Ask for suggestions. Once Holly developed her report on the project, she was able to take it to her bosses and mentors and ask for advice about how to handle things differently the next time. The discussions helped her think about her approach to collaboration, identify training opportunities, and explore new ways to communicate as a leader. And the humility with which she sought advice actually improved her relationship with a senior colleague who admitted he once thought of her as arrogant.
Look at the process. When you see the big picture, it’s easier to regard your recent disaster as just one phase in a long process of learning and achievement. In his book “Never Stop Learning,”professor Bradley Staats says that process-focused learners know that they aren’t fixed in their ability to learn. Learning involves figuring out how inputs affect outputs. And Dr. Staats says that when you study a process you can see that it involves more inputs than you first imagined. As you examine what happened, you start to see through the noise and discomfort, to better understand how various factors are related and to develop new discipline around reaching your objectives.
Make a plan. Many great leaders have overcome massive setbacks, and their example can help you navigate your recovery. Holly thought about President Jimmy Carter, who had a mortifying election loss to Ronald Reagan. He might have been tempted to spend years licking his wounds, but instead he looked around for ways to make a difference and he made some plans. He threw himself into addressing homelessness, poverty and international conflict, and in 2002 he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. If you don’t know how to move past failure, follow the example of President Carter and look around for ways to add some value. Identify aspects of your job where you can become more productive, learn a new skill, or identify a colleague who could use your help. Each time your thoughts drift back to your catastrophe, shift the focus to your plan and take an action step.

The Bottom Line: One of the worst parts of a career disaster is when the voice in your head argues that you will never get past it. That voice is wrong. Highly successful people tend to take risks and sometimes things don’t work out. Remind yourself that this latest adversity is a key learning experience. Then turn your attention to your longer term goals and the immediate steps that can move you in that direction.

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Need a gift for a recent grad?

Here’s a small way to support their success: give them Bev’s guide to career resilience, “Think Like an Entrepreneur, Act Like a CEO.”

Try this recipe for job satisfaction

Posted by Beverly Jones on November 1, 2017

Here’s one man’s formula
for loving his work life

I book my haircuts three months in advance because Jason Holloway, my hairdresser, has a full calendar and a long waitlist.

Jason sometimes works just 4 days a week, and he sees clients only 6 to 8 hours a day. Unlike other studio owners I’ve known, he never double books in order to squeeze in a second client for a quick cut while the first in that time block waits for her color to take.

I love that, once I reach Jason’s chair, he is always ready for me, on time and focused entirely on me and my hair. But I know that his small business has substantial overhead, and I suspect that he could make a lot more money if he were to put in more time or serve his clients at a faster pace.

So I asked Jason if he’d consider adding hours to his studio schedule, or finding ways to fit more clients into each day. “No,” he said, “if I’m just grinding it out, it shows in my work.”

In earlier years Jason operated on a high tier of the salon industry, crisscrossing the country to teach L’Oreal customers about the latest trends and techniques in hair design. He liked being a trainer, he enjoyed the opportunity to be a player in the fashion industry, and he was making more money than he had time to spend.

But Jason was exhausted by the constant travel. And he wanted to find “peace.” So he decided to leave the big time, move from the D.C. area to little Culpeper, Virginia, and create a career that would support the life he wants.

Now, with his own small salon, Jason is proud that clients book months ahead, perhaps driving 50 miles or so for an appointment. Most important, he seems to be a happy and self-aware man, one who keeps revisiting his most important values, as he continues to tweak his balance of work and life. Here is the career formula that helps Jason to remain joyful and productive:

• Start with the people. Once he launched his studio in Culpeper, Jason moved carefully to find compatible workers. He trained the apprentice who has become his sidekick, April Carter, and he recruited two friends as part-time colleagues. And he builds real relationships with his clients, focusing on each one intently and looking forward to visiting with his regulars. Jason understands what Gallup polls have shown — that having friends at work is incredibly important to your job satisfaction.

• Value what you do. Jason loves doing hair, including for people who may face the ravages of cancer or other special challenges. He says, “The way we appear in the world, our personal style, speaks volumes about us. This is why the connection between stylist and client is so strong and personal … Because to help reveal someone’s ‘spiritual grace,’ you have to know them.” He regards hair as a kind of calling, a combination of art, science and service to others. Jason has a sense of mission. And research consistently shows that people like him, who find meaning in their work, report better health, well-being and resilience.

• Leave room for side gigs. Jason is passionate about his salon and takes pride in staying ahead of the trends, but he wants more variety in his career. So he leaves time for producing and selling art, including images where tiny, cropped photographs become a type of brushstroke. And he teaches the occasional Ashtanga yoga class. His combination of activities means that he is always learning something new, which is key to a satisfying work life.

• Maintain autonomy. Many studies show what Jason has figured out for himself: workers who have substantial control over how they meet their goals are happier and more productive than those kept on a tighter rein. Jason doesn’t enjoy the accounting and compliance tasks that are part of running a small business. But for him, the benefits of making his own decisions outweigh the more tedious aspects of being an entrepreneur.

Jason’s formula for loving his work includes having a mission, building strong relationships, traveling along multiple learning paths, and staying in control of his days and weeks. That is a pretty good starting point for many people.

What is your formula for staying passionate about your career?

Quit saying “If only”

Posted by Beverly Jones on September 30, 2017

Two plaintive little words

can keep holding you back.

“If only I’d done more networking, I’d be able to find a new job.”

“If only they’d stop bothering me with trivial meetings, I could finish this project.”

“If only I’d gotten that promotion, I wouldn’t hate this company.”

“If only I were younger, I bet they’d listen.”

One of the more self-destructive phrases to use in discussing your work life is “if only.” And yet we hear it all the time, and maybe even say it ourselves.

These two words might simply mean that if we had done one thing we could have avoided big problems down the road. At times the assessment can be accurate, like if you find yourself saying, “If only I had studied I probably would have been a better student.”

But frequently the phrase is weighted with mournful meaning that goes far beyond what the words seem to say. “If only” can suggest that you are in despair about the past and are dissatisfied with the present. People who say “if only” seem to be throwing up their hands, casting blame for the current situation and declining responsibility for creating change.

“If only” resonates with woulda, coulda, shoulda. It feels like the speaker is bogged down in a yesterday that can’t be changed. Or is immersed in a today that is out of control, when what would be helpful is taking steps toward a better tomorrow.

Maybe you occasionally say “if only” out loud when you’re at work. Or perhaps it’s a silent refrain that pops into your head when you’re worrying in the middle of the night, making you to feel even more sorry for yourself.
You’ll be a happier, more productive person if you get over the “if only” habit. Start here:

Don’t use it as an excuse. You’ll sound like you’re not coping if you tell your boss or client, “If only we had more time we could do a better job.” Reword your sentence to suggest that you are aware of the problem and are taking action: “Here’s our plan to manage the time pressure.”
Don’t use it to throw blame on someone else. You may come across as a nag and undercut your goals if you say, “if only you could get to the office on time, we might get more done.” Instead, propose an action plan: “Let’s set the schedule so we can be sure to finish before the deadline.”
Don’t use it to avoid tough facts. It’s normal to wish that things were better, and to think, “if only I were smarter/thinner/younger/richer.” But you can actually make things better once you accept that you are what you are, or embrace the reality that the situation is what it is. When you hear the “if only” lament bubbling up, ask yourself: “What can I do today to start moving in a new direction?”
Refocus on the future: Saying “if only” can be a sign that you’re getting stuck in the past. If that sounds like you, then learn to resist the temptation to wallow in the same old set of problems. First, think of a more useful phrase, like: “what do I do next?” Any time you feel “if only” on the tip of your tongue, replace the two words with your alternative phrase. And when you shift your attention to the future, work on your list of helpful action items.

When you are in an “if only” mood, it may be a sign that it’s time to rebalance the way you think about days gone by. For the next few days, try noticing how much attention you focus on the past, rather than looking to future or enjoying what is happening right now.

Bev wrote the Career Press best-seller, Think Like an Entrepreneur, Act Like a CEO. Her career podcast, Jazzed About Work, was produced by WOUB Digital and is heard on NPR.org.

Overcome 7 common reasons you don’t network

Posted by Beverly Jones on September 10, 2017

How to move beyond your

excuses for not networking.

You already know that, for most professionals, a broad, diverse social network is vital to career success.

Career support is just one of the benefits that tend to flow to a person with many connections. The importance of being embedded in a vibrant network is so great that social scientists are studying how it impacts the uneven distribution of opportunity and wealth in our society.

In their fascinating book, “Connected,” professors Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler say that, “Positional inequality” occurs not because of who we are but because of who we are connected to. These connections … often matter more than our race, class, gender, or education.”

We’re all connected, some more than others. (Image by apinan via fotolia)

“To address social disparities, then, we must recognize that our connections matter much more than the color of our skin or the size of our wallets. To address differences in education, health, or income, we must also address the personal connections of the people we are trying to help,” they say.

Their research supports what self-help experts have long been saying. In order to improve our job satisfaction, as well our overall well-being, we should consciously tend our web of relationships, always seeking to broaden our circle, while also staying in touch with those we already know.

But even when we understand the importance of networking, we may put it off or avoid it altogether.

If you’re like me, when you pass on a chance to meet and greet, you can probably come up with a plausible reason. But if you want to get serious about expanding your network, it’s time to challenge some of those rationales. Here are seven common excuses for not networking, as well as the reasons you should get out there and mingle anyway.

I hate networking events. There are benefits from meetings designed so that participants can exchange business cards and stories. But there’s no need to attend if you don’t want to. Most networking happens when people are focused on something else. The crowds of volunteers who traveled last month to help Texas hurricane victims did not have networking on their minds. Yet countless enduring relationships were forged as people worked side-by-side to rescue and assist Harvey’s victims.
I already have friends, and I don’t even have time to see them. Certainly it’s valuable to keep up a flow of communications with people you already know. But network scientists suggest that an “open,” varied network is a key predictor of career success. If you just hang out with the old gang, in the same industries or the same religion, your network is “closed” and your worldview may be narrow. With a closed network, you will miss countless chances to expand your knowledge and find opportunities a little further afield.
I’m too busy working. One of the reasons to network is to become more effective at work. You’ll learn more, and trigger new ideas, as you expand your circle, and that may help you manage priorities and be more creative. And even when you can’t get out of the office, you can find ways to network during the meetings that you already must attend. Arrive early, chat with other attendees, and during each session engage in the discussion instead of staring at your phone.
I’m not good at small talk and I hate talking about myself. Even very shy people can be fantastic networkers if they are interested in other people. Most folks you meet will enjoy talking about themselves, at least if you make it easy. So go to each event with a few questions in mind. Shift the focus to the others with simple queries like, “how do you know the host?” or “what did you like best about the speaker?”
The only people who’ll meet for coffee are the ones who can’t help me. Stalking people who are already in demand is a rookie mistake. Your goal in networking is to become acquainted with a wide variety of people. And every single person is important. You cannot predict who is connected where, or will be one day. Maybe you can’t get a lunch date with that busy executive, but you can get to know a junior person in the same field. And one day you may be able to help each other.
It’s scary to go to an event where you don’t know a soul. It can be daunting to be a stranger in a place where everybody else seems to know someone. Your anxiety may be partly genetic, and perhaps when you enter the room your brain triggers a bigger-than-average release of stress hormones, like adrenaline or cortisol. But you can learn to get past that kind of fear by practicing in relatively easy circumstances, then gradually increasing the challenge. Start by going alone to an undemanding get-together, like an easy class, and work up to more intimidating situations.
I’m uncomfortable with people who are that different. It may not be easy to interact with those who don’t think like you. But if you can take a few deep breaths and endure the discomfort, it could be worth it. The ping of angst you feel when you contemplate attending a different kind of gathering may be a nudge from your unconscious that this opportunity is worth considering. You’ll grow if you notice your fear, find a way to calm down, and then move ahead by focusing on listening.

Networking isn’t about begging short-term help or racking up a brag-worthy list of connections. It’s about talking with folks wherever you go, learning from a wider range of people, and building and nurturing a variety of relationships.

For more career tips, check out my podcast, “Jazzed About Work,” produced by WOUB Media and distributed on NPR.

How to reboot when work is a drag

Posted by Beverly Jones on March 11, 2017

So things are tough at work?

These 5 strategies can help.

Most of us have periods of misery, when it seems like our careers are caught in a downward spiral. Sometimes the trigger is big and in-your-face, like the arrival of a new leader who wants to change everything about your job and mission. But at other times you just gradually lose hope, until thinking about your career leaves you wallowing in despair.

So what do you do if you can’t find a way to leave your job, but it feels like it’s only going to get worse from here?

The first thing is to understand that doing something is better than doing nothing. Chances are that nobody else will rescue you. So you’re the one who’ll have to shake things up and scramble toward paths leading to a better place.

If you’re caught in the mire, it’s time to get moving, even if you venture out only a little bit every day. As you look around for starting points, consider five strategies for bringing positive motion back to your career:

Build valuable expertise. One reason to develop greater subject matter expertise is that it will increase your job satisfaction. It takes long hours to acquire deep knowledge or technical skill, but people who have it and use it are more likely than their peers to find their work to be inherently rewarding. Beyond that, becoming an expert may translate into greater job security in the near term and a wider array of opportunities in the future. When you’re thinking about broadening your areas of know-how, don’t just jump on the bandwagon for whatever is hot today. Instead, focus on emerging issues that may become prominent down the road. Then position yourself to become the go-to answer person for next year’s questions.
Embrace technology. Change is tiring and it’s normal regret losing the old ways, particularly if that’s where you’re an expert. But this is the digital age, and — regardless of your profession — your future is being reshaped by changes in technology. If you drag your feet when it’s time to learn the latest system or application, colleagues may assume that you just can’t do it, perhaps because you’re too old or lack the education. Don’t fall into stereotypes or allow yourself to be marginalized. Instead, show interest in new trends and learn the latest relevant App. A good starting point can be social media. Professor Karen Riggs, who leads an SM program at Ohio University’s Scripps College of Communication, says, “Social networks have low barriers to entry for professional use and can give you a way to show that you’re not intimidated by tech.”
Learn something. When you’re in the doldrums, a smart method for working your way out is to learn something new. This might mean expanding your expertise, but the approach works well even if you focus on a topic that has nothing to do with your day job. Being in learning mode changes the way you see the world. You become more alert, less bored and, perhaps, even less boring. You are more likely to spot opportunities and make connections among seemingly unrelated issues. And, while you’re gathering information outside your normal patterns, there’s a good chance you’ll try new experiences and broaden your network.
Focus on people. When you’re struggling in the morass, it’s easy to stumble into self-pity. But self-absorption will make your situation worse. If all you can think about is how unhappy you are, it’s time to shift your thoughts and start noticing other people. To get started, look around your workplace and ask yourself, “Is there any way I can help.” If you’re in a situation where others are struggling too, an easy way to add value is to listen carefully to what they have to say. Another is to be a positive force in the office, whether that means complimenting and thanking co-workers or consistently sounding upbeat and friendly. Many people find it satisfying to help out by mentoring or assisting colleagues or others in their professional community. And if you’re really feeling frustrated at work, volunteering in some kind of unrelated non-profit activity might help you regain overall perspective.
Enjoy other parts of your life. Most of my coaching clients were “A” students at school, and now they still want to feel like they’re regularly earning accolades and moving ahead. But a sense of achievement is seldom enjoyed at a steady pace in today’s long careers. There are times when trying too hard to get ahead may be self-defeating. In some difficult periods, the smart move may to do the best work you can, but then give yourself permission to stop striving so hard in your professional life. There are other ways to find enjoyment and satisfaction, and get your mojo back. One strategy for escaping career doldrums is to pursue a healthy hobby so passionately that you are energized and in better shape for your work life. The best path to a reboot at work may be to take a great vacation, vary and expand your social life, or try a new sport.

Want more ideas for creating a thriving, resilient career? Check out my book, “Think Like an Entrepreneur, Act Like a CEO: 50 Indispensable Tips to Help You Stay Afloat, Bounce Back, and Get Ahead at Work.”

If political talk at work is making you crazy

Posted by Beverly Jones on June 27, 2016

Is chatter about politics

exhausting you at work?

We’ve all heard that it’s not smart to talk about contentious issues, like politics or religion, at the office. Some companies even have rules against discussing political and other potentially inflammatory matters in the workplace.

And most of us agree, at least in theory, that it’s wise to avoid talking politics with your colleagues. And yet in this election season it seems that a rising tide of workers are complaining that it’s tough to escape from distracting, annoying and sometimes upsetting political commentary.

After hearing from coaching clients who are tired of too much talk about the candidates, I looked around for suggestions from people who seem to remain serene despite the cacophony. Among them is Connie East, co-owner of the Thyme Restaurants – including a lively bar – in Culpeper, Virginia. For 20 years I’ve watched Connie remain unruffled while customers try to provoke her with outrageous opinions.

According to Connie, it’s not too hard to politely cope with people who want to impose their views on you. She says the secret is, “Don’t engage.” The key technique Connie suggests is to “Stay neutral. Say something like, ‘Oh, is that what you think?’ Or parrot their words back to them in a calm manner. Then shift the topic to something less volatile.”

I agree that “never engage” is the go-to strategy for coping with overly political colleagues. But the best way to respond may depend on your situation. If too much political talk is getting you down, first diagnose the problem, then try these approaches:

If they keep mentioning candidates. It’s easy to ignore the occasional reference to politicians, but if co-workers won’t stop talking about them it’s OK to ask them to cease. The best thing is to be polite but direct. You might say, “I don’t like to talk about politics at work. I find that it’s too easy for me to feel distracted, and I need to concentrate on this deadline.”
If they talk too much about everything. We are in the midst of a highly political season so it’s not surprising the topic keeps coming up. But your basic problem may be co-workers who talk too much about anything in the news, from sports to the weather. While you don’t want to be rude, you can set boundaries. It’s appropriate to say, “I can’t take the time to talk now because I’ve got a deadline.” To keep the conversation on track during meetings, always propose an agenda, and keep sticking to it. If you find yourself frequently cutting off chatty co-workers, but you want to stay friends, show it’s not personal by finding opportunities for them to express themselves. Suggest a lunch or coffee break, and devote that time to listening to whatever they want to say.
If you disagree with their opinions. Do you feel uncomfortable because you work with people who think and vote in different ways than you do? It’s unlikely that you’ll be able to stop them from making occasional comments. But you can decide how much to let it bother you. When you can’t just walk away, take a lesson from successful politicians and let the rhetoric just flow on by. Vociferous political speech is part of our culture. You might think of it like the weather – it may get stormy, but it’s not about you, and it soon it will pass.
If they start talking at you. If you don’t learn to restrain your kneejerk reaction to their obnoxious partisan comments, there’s a danger that teasing you could become a popular office sport. Some people enjoy arguing about politics but if you don’t, then don’t take the bait. If you stop rising to their remarks, you’ll ruin their fun and they may stop bothering you.
If it’s over the top. There’s a difference between annoying, dogmatic dialogue and hate speech. If colleagues describe your favorite candidate as an idiot, that’s not about you and it’s best to let it go. But if they make repeated comments that are racist, homophobic, misogynous or otherwise demeaning to an entire class of people, that certainly can feel like it’s directed at you. Sweeping dismissive comments can create a hostile, unproductive workplace, and you don’t have to put up with it. Go to your boss or the human resources department and let them know about the situation.

The best way to escape a political diatribe can be to walk away or tune it out. But if you find yourself drawn into the conversation, don’t make it worse. Maintain a matter-of-fact, analytical tone and focus on the issues. And never make derisive personal comments, even about your least favorite candidate.

For more tips about smart communications at the office, check out my book, “Think Like an Entrepreneur, Act Like a CEO.”

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Image by Fotolia by Adobe

career resilience

5 Keys to Handling Failure at Work

You CAN come back from