Bev's Tips for a Better Work Life

Tips for a more rewarding and resilient career

For almost 20 years, Bev has been coaching
professionals to thrive at work, navigate
transitions and grow as leaders.

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Get past Big Project Letdown

Posted by Beverly Jones on

Does finishing a big project

leave you with the blues?

I wasn’t surprised when my client “Lisa” cancelled a couple of our meetings, because I knew she was working flat out on a demanding project. Her assignment was to organize a large conference and implement a complex media blitz in support of a new kind of product for her company.

From what I read online, the conference and all the surrounding hoopla were a big success. The activity reached a crescendo on a Friday and I looked forward to speaking with Lisa on the following Tuesday, hoping that she would be enjoying a victory lap around the corporate headquarters.

But when we spoke, Lisa was on the verge of tears. She couldn’t forget the tiny things that had gone wrong, and she feared some people were disappointed. On top of that, the routine marketing work that had piled up while she was preoccupied with the product launch now felt daunting. She needed a plan to quickly get through the backlog, but was reluctant to ask for extra work from her exhausted staff.

Lisa felt overwhelmed. She had a bad case of Big Project Letdown. She described what she felt:

  • Exhaustion. Because the project was so important, Lisa had been working long hours without taking time out for her normal life. At night she was tossing and turning. She had quit going to the gym, she hadn’t spoken with her girlfriends in weeks, and she couldn’t remember the last quiet dinner with her husband.
  • A sense of loss. Although the project had been challenging, it had also been invigorating. For its duration she was included with the senior team, and for the first time spoke frequently with her CEO. And while the pressure was on, her staff rose to the occasion, following her lead and making her proud. Now that the big push was over, everything felt dull and flat. The prospect of tackling overdue routine work felt like dull drudgery compared to the creative activity involved in the special event.
  • Depression. Lisa realized that she was tired and also bothered by the thought of dealing with all the overdue tasks. But she felt so blue that she was disconcerted by her own mood. She said, “I know it was a success, so why do I feel so awful? What’s wrong with me?”

Lisa felt better as soon as she realized that it’s normal to feel a letdown after you’ve made a great effort. One reason is that during a big push your brain chemistry changes to help keep you going. Professor Loretta Graziano Breuning suggests that your dopamine spikes when you really need it, and perhaps working with the big boss triggers your serotonin. But when your “happy chemicals” go back to their normal levels, it feels like something is wrong with your world.

After taking an afternoon off, Lisa gradually bounced back from her post-project crash. Since then, she has learned to plan ahead to assure a speedy recovery after each major event. Strategies like these can help you to avoid or recover from Big Project Letdown:

Manage expectations. Part of Lisa’s problem was that for weeks she told people, “I’ll get back to you right after the conference.” When she came into the office that Monday, the barrage of “can we talk now?” messages made her feel like she was under attack. These days she uses project management software to help make realistic commitments about when her team will be able to handle backlogged requests after a major event.

  • Take breaks. Lisa’s unrelenting pace disrupted the pattern of her life, causing stress at home and in the office, and keeping her awake at night. Now she has learned to keep up her fitness routine and build some quiet time into her schedule. She has found that taking regular breaks, like outdoor walks, can help her make creative breakthroughs.
  • Plan ahead. Lisa is happier if she has something to look forward to. When there was nothing new on the horizon after the conference, the future felt bleak. So she has learned to look for interesting projects and fun events down the road. By planning activities and vacations way in advance, she always has something to anticipate.
  • Debrief. One thing that helped Lisa is that immediately after the conference she and her team carefully reviewed what went right, and what could be improved in the future. By examining the project details, she had a clear understanding of what led to the successful elements, as well as specific ideas about how to do things even better next time. Then in the following days, when she had moments of feeling like a failure, she was able to talk herself to a better place by reviewing the evidence.
  • Celebrate. Lisa realized that she probably wasn’t the only one who was feeling down in the days after the conference. She wrote notes to the many people who had helped, and she scheduled a particularly festive lunch to thank team members for their hard work. She continued to celebrate by taking her patient husband out to dinner. As she drew other people into her celebration, she was able to really enjoy the success.

It’s normal to feel emotional after a significant project or a long-anticipated event. Sometimes the best way to move forward is to notice what you are feeling, and maybe even write about it. Then look for ways in which the end of one big project might be viewed as the start of your next one.

Image by Kaspars Grinvalds via Fotolia

Try 4 tips from leadership coaches

Posted by Beverly Jones on

Coaching strategies can

help you coach yourself

The old top-down, command-and-control style of leadership seldom works in today’s organizations, where the goal is often to promote cooperation in the midst of rapid change.

To succeed as a leader you must know how to communicate a vision, build a network of relationships, and foster group learning and decision-making. This is true whether you’re the big boss or are just learning how to guide a team.

Leadership coaching has become a key tool for facilitating change in individuals, teams and systems. And in places where the traditional hierarchical model of management no longer works, leaders who know how to act like coaches are building cultures that allow collaboration and innovation to thrive.

leadershipcoachWorking with a coach is one way to broaden your leadership skills and deepen your understanding of modern workplace dynamics. But even if that’s not an option, these strategies from the field of coaching can help you grow:

  1. Know yourself. Research shows that self-awareness is a vital characteristic of successful leaders. The more you understand about your own internal dialogue, the better you are at engaging with other people. And the more you notice about the impact of your behavior on others, the better are your choices for next steps. Coaches use open-ended questions to help clients notice their inner voices and daily decisions.   Another way to promote self-exploration is to keep a journal or regularly engage in some other form of expressive writing. Write answers to questions like, “what would I do here if I knew I couldn’t fail?”
  2. Listen more actively. When people turn to you for guidance or assistance, there are many times when you have no idea how to help. But offering expertise is not the only way to give support. Humans have an innate need to be heard and acknowledged. And by listening deeply to another person, you can let them know they do matter and at the same time provide a way for them to come to terms with some of their issues.
  3. Try peer coaching. Consider finding a partner or small group with whom you can trade coaching time. Create a structure in which each person has a designated to time to talk about current activities and challenges. When you play the role of the “coach” it’s your job to ask questions and listen compassionately to the answers. Then when you are the “client” you can talk about what’s been happening lately and how you feel about it.
  4. Try some training. An enjoyable and effective way to become more adept at conversations with your colleagues can be to take an introductory coaching course. You’ll build your “listening muscle” and have opportunities to practice asking questions that lead others to new insights. For a training option that would work for you, visit the International Coach Federation website.

[Read more…] about Try 4 tips from leadership coaches

Don’t let age bias limit your opportunities!

Posted by Beverly Jones on

Age Discrimination Starts Early!

These Strategies Can Help.

numbersWhile finishing her MBA at a top tier university, Sarah was enthusiastically recruited by a large company. She accepted their offer to join the marketing department. Once there, she connected with a powerful mentor who helped her snag plum assignments. For several years Sarah was the most junior professional in her group, and she enjoyed being treated like a young star.

After a few years, the growing company made a wave of new hires and Sarah began to feel neglected. She said she was stuck with routine workwhile the interesting new projects went to her younger colleagues.

Sarah was asked to supervise the internship program, but didn’t enjoy the work. She said the interns didn’t have the right work ethic and were obsessed by technology. One day as she entered the kitchen, she heard them making fun of her for being clueless about the power of social media.

When Sarah came to me for coaching, she complained that she was past her career peak. She felt like she was cut off from the company’s high potential challenges and might be too old to compete for another good job elsewhere. Sarah was 34 at the time.

Sarah felt she was the victim of age discrimination and to some degree her concerns were well founded. Ageism is rampant in the workplace and can be hard to fight. And even 30-something careerists like Sarah can find themselves sidelined by employers seeking fresh talent.

Sarah found ways to demonstrate her energy, talent and enthusiasm, and soon worked her way out of her slump. One thing that helped her was finding examples of older professionals whose age did need not seem to limit their success. She noticed that while some in her circle were dissed for being out of date, others seemed timeless despite their years.

If you’re facing a subtle age bias, a starting point for getting past it is to understand the negative stereotypes on which it’s based. Then make it clear that the stereotypes don’t fit you. Consider these strategies for minimizing the burden of ageism: [Read more…] about Don’t let age bias limit your opportunities!

How to give powerful positive feedback

Posted by Beverly Jones on

 Eight tips on how to say

“Thanks!” or “Good job!”

Humans are inherently social, and all healthy people have a deep need for acceptance and appreciation.  At work, even confident people may begin to feel uncertain and uneasy if they seldom receive explicit positive feedback

My client “Josh,” the  general counsel of a federal agency, didn’t understand the human need for recognition.  Finally, he came to coaching after a staff survey helped him realize that most of his junior lawyers felt under-appreciated. They had real concerns about his leadership style, and they said that his disinterest was undercutting their ability to do good work.

Josh’s initial reaction was defensive and disdainful.   He said, “Grown-up lawyers shouldn’t expect gratitude just for doing excellent work. They get paid, don’t they? And when I don’t comment they should know everything is OK, because I always tell them when they screw up.”

We spoke about how people yearn for recognition, and why they are likely to do their best when they feel that their efforts are appreciated. And I pointed to numerous studies demonstrating that people will be more productive in a positive work environment.

Eventually Josh agreed to try an experiment. Every workday he put three quarters in his pocket. Each time he thanked or complimented a team member, he could remove one coin. And he couldn’t go home until his pocket was empty.

After the first week, Josh said he was enjoying the experiment more than he had expected. But he still felt awkward saying “thanks,” so he was looking for more occasions to practice. He began to say “thank you” at home, in the coffee shop, and wherever he went on the weekend.

great job stampThe more Josh practiced, the more comfortable he felt offering thanks and positive feedback. And he was having fun with it. He said, “the amazing thing is not that it makes them happy, but that it makes me happy, too.” He noticed that saying “thanks” in an authentic way actually made him feel more grateful and that experiencing gratitude can be life changing.

Soon Josh quit carrying the quarters because he no longer needed them. He said he was addicted to his “thank you” habit, and it had changed the way he looked at many parts of his life.

Well-crafted words of thanks and praise can serve as powerful positive reinforcement, guiding and supporting your colleagues to achieve, change and grow. By regularly thanking or acknowledging people for their work, you can help to shape a more positive and collaborative office environment, even if you’re not the boss.

These eight tips can help build your “thank you” habit into a powerful leadership tool:

[Read more…] about How to give powerful positive feedback

How to be a true professional

Posted by Beverly Jones on

Build characteristics shared by

the very best professionals 

“Bob,” my coaching client, had recently changed jobs and was unsure about his new team. He said about his staff, “They’re great. Really good people. They have a lot of skills. But, somehow, they’re not real professional.”

Bob liked his new team members and believed they had potential. But, while he couldn’t put his finger on why, he felt the team’s performance was less than it could be. As he thought about his first year goals, the challenge he took up was to help his team become “more professional.”

As a serious careerist like Bob, you want to be supported by people who are highly “professional.” And, of course, you want others to regard you as a true professional. But just what does that mean?

What is a “professional”?

proThe meaning of the term “professional” has shifted in recent decades.
The traditional professions included doctors, lawyers, architects and other experts who were specially educated, usually licensed and often relatively well-paid.

But today’s definition is much broader. The word can describe anybody who is seriously engaged in meaningful, challenging work. Professionals are found in myriad fields, from IT to the culinary arts, but all workers aren’t professional.

Knowledge can set professionals apart. Today’s professionals are committed to building their skills and expertise regardless of whether they have specific degrees or certifications.

In addition to continuing their education, professionals strive to maintain quality and ethical standards. They believe their work is valuable. And they expect more from their careers than just financial compensation. They want satisfaction, some sense of identity and community, and the opportunity to make a contribution.

What does it mean to be “professional”?

Just because you have a professional type job doesn’t mean others will regard you as highly “professional.” [Read more…] about How to be a true professional

The puzzle of career women who hesitate

Posted by Beverly Jones on

 Why are professional women

still hitting a glass ceiling?

Lately I keep finding myself in conversations about how a surprising number of women aren’t moving confidently into leadership within their careers. I’ve heard some worries from my executive coaching clients, but often the topic has come up at social or business events.

For me it’s a puzzle: why is it that so many terrific professional women are still struggling with issues we thought we’d be able to put to rest back in the 80s and 90s?

This doesn’t seem to be just an us-against-them, women-versus-men thing. I’ve heard insightful men express concern that too few women are reaching their full professional potential. For example, two male professors recently asked me why their star female students seem to have lower job aspirations than their less qualified male classmates?

And in recent months, both at formal industry conferences and in casual chats, some of the most accomplished American women journalists have been talking about how leading newsrooms still seem to be dominated by a male culture. This seems to be the case, in both print and digital realms, despite the fact university journalism programs often have more women than men students.

Also, disturbingly, young women in several career discussions this spring told me they feel more threatened than supported by women who are senior to them in their organizational hierarchies. They look to men and generational peers, they said, want they want mentoring.

Part of the problem may relate back to those of us who were among the early women to enter many professions. I was the first woman in Ohio University’s MBA program in the 1970s. And later I joined the first big wave of women who went to Georgetown Law School, and then on to Washington law firms. It was wonderful and exciting, but sometimes it was frightening as well. And the experience left scars.

Even where there was no hazing or explicit double standard, it could be exhausting and bewildering to join male teams where we weren’t really wanted. As a result, despite years of achievement, some “old girls” still experience surprising lapses in confidence. It can show up in little ways, such as: [Read more…] about The puzzle of career women who hesitate