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Number 153

In Flourish, Dr. Martin Seligman revisits his definition of “positive psychology.” He used to think “that the topic of positive psychology was happiness, and the gold standard for measuring happiness was life satisfaction.”

But living a rich life is about more than being cheerful, and a life of engagement is more involved than maintaining a good mood.

So now, Seligman says, “the topic of positive psychology is well-being and the gold standard for measuring well-being is flourishing, and the goal of positive psychology is to increase flourishing.”

Seligman is not suggesting that we look to medical practitioners to help us live better. He is cynical about the efficacy of drugs and much therapy. Instead he suggests that each of us can choose to flourish, and can learn how to take steps to enhance our state of well-being.

First Seligman offers a theory of what it means to flourish, both in your own life and on the planet. He says that well-being encompasses five measurable features, all of which we can choose to build:

• Positive emotion, including happiness and satisfaction with life.
• Engagement, which is about “flow,” where we lose self-consciousness during an absorbing activity.
• Positive relationships, reflecting that humans are not intended to be solitary and that other people are the best antidote to the downs of life and the single most reliable up.
• Meaning, including belonging to and serving something that you believe is bigger than yourself.
• Achievement, including accomplishments, like games, that are pursued for their own sake, even when there is no meaning.

There is much you can do to be happier and more flourishing. Seligman says that “well-being can be robustly raised” both in your life and in the world.

A starting point is to stop thinking so much about what goes wrong and think more about what goes right. For evolutionary reasons, humans tend to dwell on the negative. As Seligman says, “our ancestors who spent a lot of time basking in the sunshine of good events, when they should have been preparing for disaster, did not survive.”

But our brains’ natural catastrophic bent doesn’t serve us well in daily life, and tends to rob us of happiness. We can develop the skill of focusing on the positive. Seligman suggests a “What-Went-Well-Exercise”:

• Every night for the next week, set aside 10 minutes before you go to sleep, and write down three things that went well today. Writing is an important part of the process, and you do need to create a physical record of what you wrote.
• Next to each positive event, answer the question: “Why did this happen?” For example, if you wrote that your husband picked up ice cream, write “because my husband is really thoughtful sometimes.”
• Even if it feels awkward, try this exercise for a week. And then keep it up. Seligman predicts that, if you keep going, the “odds are that you will be less depressed, happier, and addicted to this exercise six months from now.”

Number 152

Back in the 1970s, to help move women into roles and professions traditionally dominated by men, leading organizations created mentorship programs. The idea was to recruit men to serve not only as guides and advisors but also as champions for women entering ranks that once had been exclusively male.

Over the years, the concept of mentoring has joined the mainstream, but the definition of a “mentor” has changed somewhat. Today the word often refers to one who simply offers guidance and psychological support to a more junior professional colleague. So while mentors offer advice and sympathy, many do not take the extra step of speaking up and championing their mentees when decisions are being made about assignments and compensation.

In September 2010, a Harvard Business Review article inspired many to re-examine how well mentoring programs are working. Using data gathered by Catalyst, the authors concluded that women are more likely than men to have mentors. But men who do have mentors are more likely to benefit than are their female colleagues.

One reason for the difference is that men’s mentors tend to be more senior, and have more clout. And the higher ranking the mentor, the faster the career growth of the mentee.

But more important is that not all mentoring is created equal. There is a special kind of relationship, that the authors called “sponsorship,” which goes beyond advice and coaching. Sponsors, much like the champions envisioned in the early mentoring programs, actually lend their influence and serve as advocates for their mentees. They fight for their protégées and raise their visibility. And, the authors say, “women are overmentored and undersponsored relative to their male peers” and thus they are not advancing in their organizations.

Mentoring relationships can be valuable throughout your career, even when they don’t grow into sponsorship. To get the most from your relationships, consider these suggestions:

• Build real relationships. Mentoring is most effective when it involves a committed relationship between two people. And relationships tend to thrive when both parties make an effort and enjoy some benefit. If you are trying to forge a stronger bond with your mentor, ask yourself what’s in it for them. Can you, the mentee, make the relationship more reciprocal by serving as a source of information and support for your mentor?
• Practice sponsoring and mentoring. To learn how to create better mentoring relationships, look for opportunities to practice. Even if you are at the bottom of your hierarchy at work, you can find mentees through alumni and non-profit networks. As you find ways to make contributions to your mentees, you will get a better sense of how to manage upward and energize your mentors.
• Listen. Whether you are the mentor or mentee, you can foster the relationship by asking questions and genuinely listening to the answers.
• Seek and offer honesty. Sometimes a mentor’s most important contribution is to give constructive feedback. Ask your mentee if they want suggestions for improvement. And ask your mentor to suggest steps that will improve your chances for success. Don’t allow yourself to feel offended by feedback, even if it is hard to swallow, and resist the urge to respond defensively.
• To recruit mentors, request advice. All too often young professionals ask high-ranking colleagues to serve as mentors, are told “yes,” but then nothing happens. Sometimes it is more effective to gradually recruit mentors, building involvement as you learn to know each other. For example, you might approach a senior colleague and say, “I want to get better at X, and I notice that you are great at X, so I wonder if you could give me advice about this X type challenge?”
• To recruit sponsors, request action. Sometimes mentors would be happy to act more like sponsors, but they don’t know where to start or what to do. Make specific requests when you want them to speak up, do your homework about processes and procedures, and make it as easy as possible for them to fight your battles. And don’t ask for action if your mentor doesn’t have the right rank, access or knowledge.
  
  
• Meet regularly. Strong mentoring relationships are immensely valuable and can grow over the years into wonderful friendships. Find ways to meet regularly, even if there is no pressing need, and don’t allow nurturing relationships to fade away.

Number 151

No matter how organized we are, it makes sense from time to time to look at the ways we manage our time and tasks. The approaches that work in one career phase don’t always serve us well as we move up the ladder or on to different situations. And sometimes we just get sloppy or overwhelmed, and would do well to try something new.

If you’re looking for ways to manage your work more smoothly, consider these techniques:

• Schedule shorter meetings. In many organizations, meetings are routinely scheduled for 60 minutes, when a shorter period would do. Start thinking of meetings in blocks of 15 minutes, instead of an hour. And of course with short meetings it becomes even more important to start on time and have an agenda.
• Manage email at designated times. You may lose control of your calendar if you allow yourself to be constantly interrupted by email. Items popping into your Inbox can feel urgent, even if they are not important to you and your goals. Schedule times of day for checking email and, most important, schedule times to work at key projects without allowing yourself to be distracted by the presence of mail.
• Follow the Rule of 3. As you start every day (or perhaps prepare for it the night before), ask yourself: what three things do I want to get done? Write those things down on a card or note (research suggests that the act of handwriting may engage your brain more than typing on a keyboard). Put that list in a prominent place, take it with you if you leave your office, and look at it periodically until your list has been accomplished.
• Schedule priority time. Actually designate time on your calendar for working on high priority items. Treat those appointments with the same seriousness that you bring to appointments with other people.
• Know your prime time. Are there times during the day when you are most likely to be creative and energetic, and other times when you tend to fade? Spend a week or two noticing your personal clock. If you find a sweet spot, a time slot when you are most likely to be at your best, try to devote that time on your calendar to your highest priorities. If you tend to slow down at certain times of day, use those periods for moving quickly through routine, low priority tasks.
• Take small bites. When you build or look over your “todo” list, note actions (including small steps toward big projects) that can be completed in five minutes or less. Find spaces on your calendar when you can dash through several of those quick items. When you have a spare 10 or 15 minutes, see how many small tasks you can check off.
• Just decide. Sometimes analytical professionals can reduce a dilemma to two or three strategic options, but then they struggle to decide among the choices. Know that there is probably no perfect choice, and dithering is a big time waster. Often the best decision is an early decision. Decide now, and allow yourself to revisit the decision later, if necessary.
• Follow up quickly. It is easy to waste time trying to reconstruct meeting notes or retrieve forgotten project details. After meeting with colleagues or accepting an assignment, it is probably more important to follow up immediately than to respond perfectly. A quick confirming email immediately after a conversation or request can save much time in the long run. At the end of each day, ask yourself whether there are any follow-up messages that should be sent before you leave your desk.
• Use checklists. You probably have some recurring tasks, like planning events, producing reports or scheduling the development of projects. There is no need to re-invent the wheel every time. You can save yourself anxiety, as well as time, if you create a checklist for each type of task. Have a default todo list for everything from packing for a trip, to offering employee feedback or arranging a party.
• Say no. If you’ve made commitments that you probably won’t be able to honor, say so as quickly as possible. Instead of agonizing about your backlog, renegotiate deadlines where you can, and look for low priority items that you can remove from your list.

Number 150

Do you sometimes feel that your job would more fun if you could work with a different crowd? Are you surrounded by whiners, nay-sayers, bullies, backstabbers and other difficult people? Is there somebody in your office that you just can’t stand?

In any work environment there may be folks with whom you find it difficult to get along. In some cases you can reduce the pain by staying out of their way, but avoidance may not be an option. In many situations, however, you can improve things considerably by learning to communicate in new ways. Here are suggestions:

• Understand personality types. Just as some of us are left-handed and others are right-handed, people tend to fall into various broad personality categories. For example, some of us are extroverts, and we like to brainstorm out loud, sharing our thoughts long before we’ve reached our conclusions. This can be annoying to introverts who prefer an environment where people don’t open their mouths until they know what they want to say. When you understand basic personality types, you may realize that others’ behavior is not about you – it is just how they are made. Tests like the readily available Myers-Briggs assessment can help you to understand what makes you tick, and offer strategies for dealing with people with very different approaches to life.
• Understand difficult behaviors. We don’t all agree on which behaviors are preferable, but there is some consensus on types of behaviors that are most egregious. In “Dealing With People You Can’t Stand,” Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner describe 10 of the most common types of difficult people, and suggest ways to communicate with them. For example, they offer advice on coping with “the Sniper,” who makes you look foolish “through rude comments, biting sarcasm, or a well-timed roll of the eyes.” This readable book has been around for years, and has helped many to get along better with the difficult people in their lives.
• Listen. Once we start thinking of people as difficult, we tend to stop listening to them. As they speak, we feel defensive and start working on our rebuttals, instead of actually paying attention to what they are staying. At some level they know we’re ignoring them, which can cause their obnoxious behavior to intensify even further. You can often defuse a tense situation by putting aside your defensive reactions and concentrating on what is being said. By listening with some compassion, you may launch a new era of healthy communications.
  
  
• Manage your inner voice. If somebody is driving you crazy, part of the problem is what they are doing. But sometimes your own reaction may prolong the pain. If a colleague makes a rude comment it may hurt for a minute or two, but the pain will end quickly if you just move on. But your whole day is ruined if you allow yourself to keep reliving the moment, thinking repeatedly about what they said and how you should have reacted. Sometimes you can’t control how they treat you, but you can choose how much to let it hurt. By becoming more aware of your inner dialogue, you can manage the internal voice that is causing you much of the pain.
• Address your stress. When we are stressed out, we tend to react more strongly to what others do and say. When the people around you get on your nerves, maybe the problem is not really them. Maybe it’s you. Perhaps you’re exhausted or frustrated, and every little annoying thing feels to you like a crisis. Yoga, meditation and other regular practices can help you manage your stress. And when you feel more relaxed it will be easier to deal with your colleagues’ tedious habits.

Number 149

As the recession eases, some companies are starting to spend money on refurbishing or expanding their offices. And, at the same time, many are redesigning their space in interesting new ways. Of course there is more concern about energy efficiency and sustainability than in past years. But, beyond that, there is a trend toward designing workspace in ways that express organizational culture and inspire people to work more collaboratively.

Many companies where professionals once felt entitled to offices of their own are tearing out walls and creating common work areas. The high-walled cubicle is quickly becoming old-fashioned, and executives are moving out of their offices to work with their team members, sometimes even at shared tables.

A hot office design philosophy is that shared space results in shared ideas. Oracle, for example, is experimenting with bullpen-style spaces, where 24 technical staffers work in one room, sitting in blocks of four.

Another trend is to promote collaboration and innovation by having people frequently move around among common areas. There are varied conference areas, sometimes including workspaces that look much like lounges or cafes. That makes sense because mobile technologies allow employees to work from home, or any place they feel like. So when they do come into the office, it is primarily to interact with colleagues, not sit alone at a desk.

So what does this mean for you, particularly if you are in a traditional organization where the people at the top are never going to give up their corner offices? It’s still worth being alert to these trends, particularly if you interact with clients.

Consider Joe, a partner in a New York consulting firm. Joe’s time is billed out at $800 an hour, but he doesn’t even have his own office. That’s because he often works from a client’s location or his own home in the Hamptons. No matter where he may be, he is connected electronically, so he seldom needs paper documents. And when he is in New York Joe spends almost all his time meeting with people.

When Joe works with clients he constantly observes their executives, making judgments about who seems capable of thriving in a changing environment. He likes Mary, a VP at his current client, but he will not recommend her to be part of an exciting new project. Joe has noticed that Mary’s office is a mess, cluttered with stacks of paper files, and he has concluded that Mary isn’t able to keep up with technology or manage her workflow.

Last week, Joe met with lawyers at the firm where he has sent a lot of work. He noticed the large partner offices, however, and thought to himself, “I don’t want to be subsidizing that wasted space.”

If your colleagues or clients visit your workspace, they, like Joe, may be drawing conclusions, at least unconsciously. Do you wonder what they might conclude? To get an idea of that, ask yourself questions like these:

• How clean? Now that professionals are used to working more closely together, they have become more appreciative of cleanliness. Many people are turned off by untidiness and disgusted by messes like food crumbs or coffee spills.
• How cluttered with paper? The goal of a paperless office has proved elusive, but many organizations are pretty far along the path. You may actually need masses of paper files, but know that if they are spread around your office some people may think that you are inefficient or not adept with technology.
• How are the chairs arranged? If your office is spacious, what have you done with the chairs? If you always sit behind your desk, with guests directly in front of you, you may come across as not collaborative.
• Do you have a whiteboard? Whiteboards are a great tool for brainstorming and mapping out shared projects. With a new electronic version, a laptop can be projected onto the board for everybody at a meeting to see.
• Do you share? In some organizations where executives still have large comfortable offices, it is expected that the space will be shared. Each office is kept neat, and when the executive is away it may be used by others as a conference room.