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Number 169

I mostly learned networking the hard way, by trial and error. Here are six techniques that I wish somebody had shared with me earlier in my career:

• Persistence pays. I was brought up to feel that modesty is a good thing and it’s rude to be pushy. As a lobbyist I could keep pushing to make connections, but when I was trying to sell myself I suddenly felt shy. And as a young lawyer I gave up too quickly when I was trying to attract clients or otherwise build useful relationships. Then in my corporate life I was in the position to hire lawyers and other advocates. While in a hiring mode, I realized that I wasn’t bothered by the people who didn’t take my “no” as the final answer. I grew to know and eventually hired a number of consultants who kept after me until they found the best approach. And I learned from them that you can refuse to quit trying to connect without becoming obnoxious.

• Mentees can be more helpful than mentors. I had two or three great mentors in my life, but not as many as I wished for. But I loved being a mentor, and enjoyed encouraging younger people who were on the way up. As the years passed, many of those mentoring relationships shifted. So today I feel like a disproportionate flow of the good stuff is coming to me. My mentees have helped me to find clients, shape my coaching practice and stay in touch with the cutting edge. Now I know that one of the best ways of building a rich network is to mentor younger folks as often as possible.

• Clothes and grooming matter. Even at a business casual event, the better dressed people stand out a bit. The old line is often true: to get ahead, dress like your boss’s boss. The goal is not to be formal, but rather to be polished. At an event, well dressed people seem subtly more confident and powerful. But it is not enough to get all fixed up for special events. If you want to come across as your best self, set a standard of dress and grooming that is at the high end of your social or career circle, and stick to your standard, even on the days you don’t expect to meet anybody important.

• Old enemies can become old friends. You don’t need to feel reluctant to approach folks who years ago were career rivals. As time goes by, petty differences are often forgotten. You may be warmly greeted by a person you fought with back in the day. Not long ago I felt a rush of affection when spotting somebody that I had worked with in an earlier career. It wasn’t until later that I remembered that the person had not really been a friend to me. And I didn’t care. It was still nice to reconnect with somebody from the past.

• People like to do small favors. In my Washington law firm and corporate jobs, I tried as often as possible to visit with and offer a little help to young people coming to town to look for jobs. Often I couldn’t do much, but I tended to remember the kids whom I was able to assist in some small way. I learned that we tend to stay interested in a person for whom we have done a small favor. What this means in a networking situation is that you can start to build a relationship by asking somebody for a little bit of easily managed help. For example, ask for advice about something easy, and then be warm in your thanks.

• Face time counts. Sometimes it doesn’t feel worthwhile to attend meetings and events where you don’t know anybody. But go anyway, and you’ll eventually be glad you did. In networking, over the long term, you get points for showing up. People get used to seeing you, and before you know it you’re connected.

Number 167

Our lives are so complicated that it’s amazing we manage as well as we do. Just getting up, getting ready, and commuting to the office offers numerous decision points. It’s enough to wear us out before we reach our desks.

The reason we aren’t exhausted by our normal routine is that we glide through much of it on automatic pilot. Our conscious minds don’t have to struggle with daily decisions about how to dress and find our way to work because our habits take over.

According to New York Times reporter Charles Duhigg, “Without habit loops, our brains would shut down, overwhelmed by the minutiae of daily life.” Duhigg draws on substantial research and provides an entertaining explanation of habit formation and management in his book, “The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business.”

Whether we are talking about individuals or groups, Duhigg argues that, “Change might not be fast and it isn’t always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped.”

As an example of managing habits on a large scale, Duhigg describes how Starbucks teaches its workers to deal with many types of customer interactions. He says “Starbucks has dozens of routines that employees are taught to use during stressful inflection points...There are learned habits to help baristas tell the difference between patrons who just want their coffee...and those who need a bit more coddling.”

Duhigg says that what most people want to know when they hear about the science of habits is a secret formula for quickly changing any habit. Although he says there is no single prescription that always works, Duhigg does offer a four-part framework for changing habits.

To illustrate his approach, Duhigg tells us how he shook his unhealthy routine of going to the cafeteria every afternoon and buying a chocolate chip cookie. That cookie habit had resulted in an eight-pound weight gain, as well as some pointed comments from his wife. Here is the framework that helped Duhigg to break the habit:

• Step one: Identify the routine. Every habit has three parts: a cue, a routine and a reward. Begin the process of changing your habit by precisely observing the routine – the behaviors -- on which it is based. Duhigg’s routine was to get up from his desk, walk to the cafeteria, buy a cookie, and eat it while chatting with friends.
• Step two: Experiment with rewards. Duhigg says that rewards satisfy cravings, but it might not be obvious exactly what cravings are driving our behavior. In his case, after noticing how he felt before and after indulging in his cookie habit, Duhigg realized that, more than food, he was craving the opportunity to hang out for a while with friends.
• Step three: Isolate the cue. Habits are typically triggered by some kind of cue. For Duhigg, it was simply the time of day. When he looked at the clock and saw it was 3:30, he felt an urge to go to the cafeteria for his cookie. Rather than the time, habitual cues might be related to your location, your emotional state, other people, or an immediately preceding action. So if you are trying to identify the likely cue to your habit ask questions like, “Where are you when it occurs?” “What time is it?” and “Who else is around?”
• Step four: Have a plan. The first three steps should help you figure out your habit loop: the reward driving your behavior, the cue triggering it, and the routine itself. So what you need now is a plan for making a different choice, once you are faced with the cue. You can change to a better routine if you find a behavior that delivers a reward you are craving. For example, once Duhigg realized that he wanted company more than food, he wrote a simple plan: “At 3:30 every day, I will walk to a friend’s desk and talk for 10 minutes.”

Number 168

In her book, “Positivity,” psychologist Barbara L. Fredrickson draws on years of research, as well as examples from her own experience, in describing how you can build a more flourishing life.

Fredrickson defines the term “positivity” to include a broad range of thought patterns and emotions including joy, serenity, amusement, hope and inspiration.

One way to understand positivity is to distinguish it from its opposite, negativity. Fredrickson says, “We all know negativity; it looms large and is easy to spot...[U]nchecked negativity breeds health-damaging negative emotions – anger, contempt, and depression – that seep into your entire body.”

In the last decade or so, scientists have begun to better understand how vital positivity is to the quality of your life. First, of course, it feels good, and it can have a big impact on the state of your physical and mental health. Beyond that, Fredrickson says, it actually changes how your mind works.

She says, “Positivity opens us..making us more receptive and more creative.” Positive mindsets lead to open minds, allowing us to learn and explore and “to build new skills, new ties, new knowledge, and new ways of being.”

Fredrickson and her colleagues developed a “positivity ratio” that has been shown to predict high productivity not only with individuals but also with teams. That ratio compares the frequency of positive moments to the frequency of negative moments. The data suggest that to flourish we need a positivity ratio of 3 to 1. When negativity is experienced more than one third of the time, people became rigid and less creative, and may fall into downward spirals with intensifying waves of negative feelings.

You can profoundly change your life by becoming more positive. While your genes help shape your ratio, Fredrickson says that there is much you can do to increase positivity:

• Reduce gratuitous negativity. While some negative emotions are appropriate and useful, dwelling on negative thoughts or indulging in inappropriate comments is neither healthy nor helpful. For example, what’s the point of complaining to the checkout clerk when you have to wait in line at the grocery store? It’s probably useless and possibly destructive to berate yourself or others when things don’t go the way you wish.
• Dispute negative thoughts. Repetitive patterns of negative thinking breed negative emotions and can make the bad times worse. For example, you can trigger a downward spiral by indulging in overly negative self-talk, saying things to yourself like, “I’ll never finish in time” or “this is a disaster.” You can train yourself to notice your negative thoughts and then take away their power by refocusing on the actual facts.
• Distract yourself. Sometimes when you can’t let go of negative thoughts the best thing to do is to find a healthy distraction. Do something to take your mind off your troubles, like getting some exercise, visiting with a friend or trying a meditation technique.
• Savor goodness. You can develop the habit of getting the most out of positive moments. Take the time to examine every aspect of a good development or situation. Talk about your good fortune with a friend and find ways to celebrate.
• Count your blessings. Gratitude can play a powerful role in shifting you to a more positive place. Scientists have documented that you can improve your level of health and happiness by routinely listing aspects of your life for which you are grateful.
• Engage in kindness. Watch for opportunities to treat others with kindness, and keep a list of your kind actions.

Number 166

For most of us, email is a critical tool, shaping our days and defining the way we communicate with our most important colleagues and customers. And yet we may simply drift into our email habits, without thinking much about how we’re spending all that time and energy.

Because of its big impact on your work, and also because it soaks up so much of your time, it is worth thinking about how to make your email work flow as effective as possible. Here are some suggestions:

• Develop protocols. You and your colleagues can save time and aggravation if you agree on techniques and etiquette for shaping your email exchanges:
  • Set time frames. Teamwork can flow more smoothly if everyone has the same idea about which messages must be answered immediately, and which responses can wait a bit. For example, if you are a team leader who likes to work in the evenings, does that mean that your team members need to stay up late at night to immediately answer your questions? If you agree on the etiquette in advance, you can get those projects off your “todo” list late on Friday without compelling your assistant to work all weekend.
  • Use tags. You can signal the nature and importance of messages by agreeing on the meaning of tag words to be included on the subject lines. Define and consistently use tags like “fyi,’” “action needed,” “urgent” and “respond by (date).”
  • Use subject lines. Beyond including tag words, make it a practice to squeeze summary information into the subject line of each message.
  • Be brief. Particularly because your reader may be scrolling through mail on a phone, keep each message as short and easy to read as possible.
  • Start with a summary. Many readers glance at the just the first paragraph or two, then move on to the next message. To be sure that readers are catching your key points, summarize them in a brief initial sentence.
  • Outline points. Make it easy to read messages quickly by putting them into an outline format. Number your paragraphs if that might help your reader to quickly respond or ask questions.
  • Limit “cc’s”. Don’t encourage a culture where it’s normal to send copies to long lists of colleagues, either to show off or to cover your backside. Limit copies to people who really need to know.
• Process in batches. Experts say the most effective way to process email is to work through your inbox at various designated times throughout the day. When you check for mail constantly, you interrupt more important tasks and waste time switching gears.
• Change your habits. There’s lots of evidence that you’ll make better use of your time if you don’t look at email every few minutes. But sometimes it’s not the messages themselves that break up your work time – it’s the way you’ve become addicted to constantly checking for new mail. Try this experiment: Schedule an hour to focus your attention on your most important goal. Do you find that your train of thought is interrupted by speculation about incoming email? If that itch to check mail gets in the way of achieving your objectives, it’s time to build new habits.
• Proofread. We all know that spellcheck and other features can “correct” spelling and grammar in strange ways, and so most of us don’t expect email messages to be perfect. But it is still vital that you proof your messages before you send them. Be sure that your points are clear and that you haven’t inadvertently said the opposite of what you mean. Also read for tone, recognizing that attempts at humor often fall flat in email.
• Have conversations. When messages are complicated or subtle, when privacy is vital, and when relationships are delicate, email may not work as well as face-to-face or telephone conversations. Some things are difficult to write in a few quick graphs. Avoid serial exchanges and messages that are just too long. When it is important, look for an opportunity to actually speak with that other person, then reconfirm the details in a succinct message.

Number 165

Research suggests what experience shows us: teams tend to out-perform individuals. And a group decision is usually better than one made by the group’s brightest member. Strong teams merge individual skills and knowledge into a high performing entity with capabilities beyond those of the most talented individual members.

Teamwork is more important than ever. In a fast-paced environment, teamwork is the quickest way to sift through rapidly changing information from multiple disciplines. And if you’re looking for creative solutions, start by fostering teamwork, because innovation tends to emerge from collaborations, rather than from the work of single individuals.

Here are strategies for helping your team to thrive:

• Provide compelling direction. Members need to know what they’re supposed to be doing together. Without clear goals they may pursue different agendas. On a strong team, members understand their collective objectives, why they’re important and how they are aligned with the broader organization’s mission. Take the time to regularly discuss both immediate tasks and the big picture.
• Communicate assignments, goals and standards. On a healthy team, members understand each others’ responsibilities and hold each other accountable for certain contributions. This is easier when performance targets are shared and every member of the team understands the others’ goals.
• Understand the need to belong. We each have a basic need to be part of communities, and we naturally want to make contributions that are appreciated by others. Successful team builders understand the power of belonging, and they find ways to reinforce it. They encourage traditions and rituals, create events and find occasions for distributing identity items that may be as simple as pens or T-shirts.
• Celebrate success. Recognizing both individual and group achievements promotes a positive environment and contributes mightily to job satisfaction. Taking time to appreciate accomplishments makes people feel better and stimulates further achievement.
• Help team members build Emotional Intelligence. Individuals who are self-aware are more likely to be comfortable in acknowledging others’ strengths and addressing their own weak points, in seeking assistance and in having honest discussions with others. There are many ways, including coaching and journaling, to foster this kind of self awareness, which often is described as “Emotional Intellligence,” or “EQ”.
• Enhance the collective EQ of your team. Work out protocols and standards of civility to guide team interactions. In an effective team, members listen to each other; they treat every member with respect; and they have mechanisms for working through disagreements and debates.
• Understand different personality types. Chances are your team includes people who communicate, plan and respond to crises in different ways. Diagnostic tools like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator can provide practical and scientifically valid behavioral descriptions of the ways that various types of people are likely to think, speak and act. When we understand another person’s type, we know where they’re coming from and can respond accordingly. When team members understand each other’s types they can find new ways to get along.

Number 164

If you want to get more done with the time you have, a great starting point is to spend a week or two taking a fresh and realistic look at how you are spending your minutes and hours. An effective way to do this is to maintain a detailed log of your activities throughout the day. You can use software for this, or write notes on a paper calendar or in a journal.

The idea is not original. Peter Drucker, widely recognized as the dean of management consulting, said that he often asked his executive clients to maintain a detailed log of how they spent each day. Once they had accurate records, he said, he could work with them to cut back on unproductive activities and devote more attention to their highest priorities.

By keeping a detailed time log you can create a realistic view of how you are allocating your most scarce resource – time. From there you can make changes, adjusting the pattern of your days to better reflect your priorities. As you work to manage your time to produce better results, consider these additional techniques:

• Have shorter meetings. Chances are that at least some of the meetings you regularly attend take longer than they should. And if you’re frustrated by the wasted time, other participants probably are as well. So even if you aren’t chairperson, you may be able to convince your colleagues to experiment with shorter meetings. For example, if a meeting normally takes an hour, propose restructuring so that it lasts only 45 minutes. You might also:
  • End 10 minutes before the hour. One reason so many meetings start late, and waste everybody’s time, is that some attendees are coming from another meeting that ended at the same hour as this one is scheduled to start. You know what it’s like – the people coming from a 9 o’clock meeting are always late to their 10 o’clock because they want to check messages or get another coffee. If the 9 o’clock meeting ended promptly at 9:50, there would be a smoother transition.
  • Have an agenda. Even informal meetings are likely to move more efficiently if participants know the purpose and the list of tasks to be accomplished.
  • Stand up. Many organizations are experimenting with “stand-up” meetings, where nobody is invited to sit during the discussion. Stand-up fans say that these meetings tend to be much shorter than seated ones, with attendees finding ways to move things along when their colleagues become long-winded.

• Say “no.” Chances are that a chunk of your day is devoted to activities that may feel urgent but aren’t really very important. Maybe you agree to attend meetings or undertake projects not because they matter to you, but rather because you want to be nice, because you want avoid conflict, or because “yes” is just your knee-jerk response. If so, perhaps you should get better at saying “no.” These approaches might help:
  • Know your priorities. Start each morning by setting three key goals for the day. Devote some time toward achievement of these goals as early in the day as possible. Remind yourself of your goals at regular intervals, like at lunchtime and each time you get something to drink. And when you’re tempted to turn to some new activity, say “no” to temptation unless it will help you meet one of your daily goals.
  • Schedule work time. Do you sometimes spend all day addressing emails and other low priority requests, and never seem to get around to your most important projects? If so, schedule blocks of time on your calendar to devote to work on your highest priority tasks. Treat those time blocks the way you treat important meetings, and stick to your schedule – saying “no” to interruptions -- unless it is critical that you shift your attention to another, higher priority.
  • Practice. Saying “no” gets easier with practice. If you put your mind to it, you can learn how to tactfully decline proposals and opportunities that aren’t consistent with your priorities. An important first step is to learn to pause before you say “yes,” so you can ask yourself what you might have to give up if you don’t say “no.” For example, if your friend asks you to come to a meeting that sounds kind of interesting, pause before saying “yes” and think about what else you could be doing with your time.