202.244.3738

Dear Friends and Clients,

I was raised to speak politely, and I still enjoy the ebb and flow of graceful conversation. But I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that a speaking style that serves well at a luncheon can make you sound like a wimp in the boardroom.

Early in my career I sometimes found it difficult to speak in a commanding way because it seemed, well, rude. But when I was an executive I was fortunate in having colleagues who tutored me to speak more directly, without hedging or apologies.

Now, as an executive coach, I listen carefully to the language that clients use, in part because I know that their speech style can have a powerful impact on their professional success. In this issue, I’ll touch upon some ways that the language you use at work can affect your professional success.

Warmly, Bev


The Way You Talk
Can Shape
Your Success at Work

May 2, 2006 * Number 37

If you’re a carpenter, your work may often speak for itself. But if you’re a manager you may need to create your success one conversation at a time.

We talk about what we do at the office, but for many professionals what we “do” is often a function of what we say or write. Certainly the substance of what we talk about is critical, but the messages we actually deliver are influenced by our word choice and delivery style.

In other words, it’s not enough to know your stuff. How you talk about it can greatly influence the way you are perceived by your colleagues, your boss and your customers. Your speech might make you sound confident, capable and trustworthy. On the other hand, your manner of speaking might detract from your achievements and undercut your credibility.

If you want to knock down potential barriers to your success, take the time to listen to yourself. Consider keeping quick notes on the phrases you hear yourself using. Better yet, find a partner and take notes on each other’s language. Or find a tactful reason to tape some meetings, and compare your speech with that of other participants.

If you’re wondering whether your communication patterns may impact your professional progress, consider these suggestions:

  • It depends on the culture. In this big country, acceptable patterns of speech vary from region to region and from industry to industry. Phraseology that sounds brisk and direct in New York might sound rude and crude in North Dakota. The venue of your conversations may determine whether you are wise to use profanity, slang or even sports metaphors. To communicate effectively, be conscious of the speech patterns in the room, and stay within clearly acceptable parameters.

  • Use the active voice. As you may recall from your school days, a verb is “active” when it expresses an action performed by its subject, like “the team finished the project.” With a passive verb, the action is performed upon the subject, as in “the project was finished by the team.” Whether you’re speaking or writing, your statements will be more direct, vigorous and clear if you use the active voice.
  • It’s not always about you. If you want to sound like a leader, don’t begin your statements with phrases that start with “I”, like “I think that…” or “I just want to say…” You’ll tend to sound weak and uncertain if you frequently use “I” in sentences that aren’t about you. “This would work” is a stronger statement than “I think this would work.”

  • Don’t ask “why.” No matter how genuine your interest or concern, people may become defensive if you ask, “why did you do that?” Questions starting with “why” can sound accusatory. You may get better results if you rephrase a “why” question to start with a phrase like, “what was the objective…?”

  • No “buts.” If you often use “but” to link two thoughts, you may tend to generate conflict. For example, this sentence suggests that Mary and I have conflicting plans: “I need to make this delivery but Mary wants the car.” Alternatively, by simply replacing “but” with “and” I can set up an opening for Mary and I to coordinate our plans.

  • Don’t hedge. Avoid blurring your message and sabotaging yourself with needless disclaimers or apologies. Don’t use phrases like, “it’s just my opinion,” or “I guess my question is.” Get to your point quickly, and don’t belittle yourself along the way.

  • Cut the big words. To make your point clearly, don’t use a big word when a small one will do. Consider “use” instead of “utilize,” “active” instead of “proactive,” and “idea” instead of “conceptualization.”

  • Silence can be, uh, golden. It’s OK to pause and think for a second. A bit of silence is preferable to relying on meaningless filler words and sounds, like “um,” “you know,” and “like,” as in “this is, like, cool.”

  • Spare the “very.” Overused but vague modifiers like “really” and “very” provide little information. If you want to make a point, be more precise. For example, “it was really a very good report” doesn’t say much. A better way to offer praise is to be more specific, as in “the report was particularly helpful because it offered detailed solutions.”


    • Want to Read More About
    Powerful Speaking?

    Below is a brief book review, as well as links that will allow you to buy the book directly from Amazon.com. For reviews of other helpful books, along with Amazon links, go to: ClearWays Books and Services. If you buy a book this way it will contribute to the cost of distributing Bev’s Tips, and be much appreciated.

    How to Say It for Women: Communicating With Confidence and Power, Using the Language of Success, by Phyllis Mindell, 2001

    Much recent work on speech patterns in the workplace has focused on gender differences. A good bit of evidence suggests that differences in the way men and women communicate may be one factor in the “glass ceiling” that slows the rise of women to top jobs.

    In a series of books, Dr. Phylliss Mindell has argued that on the job language is power. In this guide, she describes how women may undercut their own success by using the wrong words or gestures and creating an impression of uncertainty.

    One problem, she says, is that women are more likely than men to start sentences with the word “I.” She says that using “I” statements will weaken you because this phrasing:
      • Blames you for issues that aren’t yours,
    • Implies that you’re not sure of the facts,
    • Suggests inadequate leadership,
    • Makes you sound immature, even childlike, and
    • Confuses your message with irrelevant emotions.

    The book contains tips that can help men as well as women. Its weakness, however, is that it wanders off the topic to provide a cursory treatment of side issues like how women can dress for success or read more broadly.

    Click here to buy this book.




    Want to learn more about managing your work life? Bev offers executive coaching and leadership consulting, and is available to speak about a broad range of issues related to your work life. Visit her website at www.ClearWaysConsulting.com or email to Bev directly. Bev is associated with Executive Coaching & Consulting Associates.





    Bev’s Tips for a Better Work Life is published on the first and third Tuesday of each month by Beverly E. Jones of ClearWays Consulting, LLC.   Bev is a lawyer and former executive who now coaches accomplished CEO's, public afffairs executives, and other professionals to bring new direction, energy and enjoyment to their work lives.

    Copyright ©2006, ClearWays Consulting, LLC  & Beverly E. Jones

    All rights in all media reserved.  However, the content of Bev’s Tips for a Better Work Life may be forwarded in full without special permission on the condition that (1) it is for non-profit use and (2) full attribution and copyright notice are given.  For other uses please contact Bev Jones.

    Our address is: 2925 43rd Street, NW, Washington, DC 20016.