202.244.3738

Dear Friends and Clients,

I heard from many of you about my November 15 ezine, which offered tips to Baby Boomers who want to be cool. Younger professionals strongly agreed that Boomers need to at least be aware of emerging technologies with workplace applications. Technophobes, they said, are boring and are a drag on their teammates.

That issue also elicited a number of comments suggesting that many of us have colleagues who are offending co-workers and driving away clients because they just don’t know how to behave. It seems that many professionals of all ages have acquired technical expertise but haven’t polished their social skills.

So in this issue I’m focusing on good manners and some basic rules of business etiquette. I hope that someone in your organization will find it helpful.

Warmly, Bev

Good Manners Can Promote
Success in Your Career

January 3, 2006 * Number 29

In her comprehensive guide to etiquette, “New Manners for New Times,” protocol maven Letitia Baldridge describes the difference between etiquette and manners. Etiquette, she says, is a set of behavior rules that you can memorize and use as a map. But manners, she says, are “an expression from the heart on how to treat others whether you care about them or not.”

Knowing the rules of etiquette can give you confidence, ease your way through business events, and help you to move through life with grace and efficiency. Etiquette rules are rather like traffic laws in that they prevent social collisions by establishing simple, consistent behavioral guidelines. Having good manners goes further, however, and means that your behavior not only complies with basic etiquette but also reflects consideration of others.

Understanding the standards of polite business behavior may help you to become more effective or to move ahead. And, if you’re well mannered in your workplace, people will like to be around you and you’ll be equipped to build relationships that not only will support your career but also will bring joy to your life. Here are some essential behavior “do’s” and “don’ts”:

• Do be considerate of others’ time:

o Be punctual for meetings and appointments.
o Respond quickly to invitations (so the person who invited you won’t have to devote time to follow-up).
o Don’t waste your colleagues’ time with lengthy accounts of your personal life or long discussions of small business matters.
o Don’t read your email, listen to your messages or clip your fingernails during a meeting or conversation.
o Avoid interrupting meetings, phone calls and brainstorming sessions. If you must interrupt, apologize and be brief.

• Do treat your colleagues with class:

o Don’t gossip with co-workers about other colleagues.
o When you’re away from the office, don’t bad-mouth your boss, your colleagues or your organization.
o Do share credit with team members, particularly junior members whose work might otherwise go unnoticed.
o Do keep your promises.
o Do treat more senior practitioners with respect and even deference.
o Do write thank you notes for meals, gifts and special effort.
o Whenever possible, do frame your comments in positive terms.

• Do dine with civility:

o Don’t eat with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full, make smacking or other noises when you eat, or vent your anger on the wait staff.
o During a business meal, allow some time for small talk, encourage everybody to say a few words, and don’t dominate the conversation by talking about yourself.
o Don’t steal your neighbor's bread plate or silverware. Know that for American place settings:

	• Forks are on the left and the knives and spoons are on the right. Typically the outside fork or spoon is the one you use first, working inward toward the middle as the meal goes on.
	• All drinks – including wine, water and coffee – are on the right. Food, like your roll or salad, is on the left. To remember that solid food is placed on the left, some people use the phrase, "left-over bread."

o In a small group, wait until everybody has been served before you start eating.

• Do apologize. No matter how careful you are, there will be times when you miss appointments or arrive very late, when you drop the ball on assignments, or when you hurt, disappoint or embarrass a colleague. Everybody makes mistakes, but some people recover faster than others. When you feel awful about what you’ve done, it’s time to take these steps in order to be forgiven:

o As quickly as possible, confess your mistake.
o Offer a lavish but sincere apology – if you’re really fervent they may not only forgive you but also consol you.
o Make amends, such as by rescheduling and also sending flowers if you forgot a lunch and left your invited guest waiting alone at an expensive restaurant.

• Don’t be a no-show. It’s always rude to accept an invitation to a dinner or party and then not attend, including for business events. If you are unexpectedly detained, understand that you owe your host as much notice as possible, as well as an apology.

Want to Read More About
Work Place Etiquette?

Below are brief reviews of two helpful etiquette guides, along with links that will allow you to buy these books directly from Amazon.com. For reviews of other helpful books, go to: ClearWays Books and Services. If you make a purchase after entering through these Amazon links, it will contribute to the cost of distributing Bev’s Tips, and be much appreciated.

Business Class, by Jacqueline Whitmore, St. Martin’s Press, 2005.

Whitmore has compiled a slim, readable compendium of basic rules of workplace etiquette. Talent, education and experience aren’t enough, she says. You also need business etiquette, which she describes as a powerful, practical and profitable skill that will help you get a job, keep a job and succeed on the job.

The book touches upon creating a good first impression, dressing for success, making small talk, and that critical business skill, dining out.

My favorite chapter is one that is so desperately needed: “Minding your manners In the electronic age.” Among other suggestions, Whitemore urges that we:

o Avoid long phone conversations, because they impede productivity.
o Leave only brief voice mail messages, mentioning our own phone numbers at the start and again at the conclusion.
o Make good use of email subject lines, keeping the line brief, specific and relevant.
o Suppress the urge to look at our BlackBerries during meetings. And
o Allow the people we are with to have precedence over calls we want to make or receive on our cell phones.

New Manners for New Times, by Letitia Baldridge, Scribner, 1990 and 2003.

Since her days in the Kennedy White House, Baldridge has been one of America’s leading arbiters of good manners. With this guide, she advises us on how to behave gracefully in both our professional and our personal lives. The book is intended, she says, to provide guidelines “about the how, what, where, when and why in the social graces.”

Baldridge addresses every situation from family dinners, to dating, to weddings. She takes on difficult times, like dealing with divorce and providing support to a friend with AIDS.

On the topic of executive behavior, she suggests that you:

o Cultivate beautiful telephone manners, including placing your own calls.
o Rise and stand every time someone from the outside enters the room.
o Use a firm but not bone-crushing handshake, and shake hands outside the office every time you meet somebody or say goodbye. And o Never expect anyone who answers to you to follow a rule that you don’t yourself obey.

Does your team need more polis? Bev is available to coach on a one-on-one basis, or to speak at your next meeting. To learn more about what it means to have a coach on your team, contact Bev.

Bev’s Tips for a Better Work Life is published on the first and third Tuesday of each month by Beverly E. Jones of ClearWays Consulting, LLC. Bev is a lawyer and former executive who now coaches accomplished CEO's, public afffairs executives, and other professionals to bring new direction, energy and enjoyment to their work lives.

All rights in all media reserved. However, the content of Bev’s Tips for a Better Work Life may be forwarded in full without special permission on the condition that (1) it is for non-profit use and (2) full attribution and copyright notice are given. For other uses please contact Bev Jones.

Our address is: 2925 43rd Street, NW, Washington, DC 20016.