As Malcolm Gladwell writes so compellingly in his best-selling Blink, we often judge other people or their intentions with lightening speed. And while not all our snap judgments are fair or accurate, most of us are pretty good at picking up on negativity in other people.

Not only can we sense others' negative energy, but often we are well aware of how they feel about us. And they are just as aware of what we really think of them. In other words, if you are angry at your boss, disinterested in your clients or disgusted with your team, you may be communicating your emotions and assessments more clearly than you realize.

On the other hand, when you are relaxed, centered and truly interested in what the next guy has to say, that attitude will be perceived as well. Research suggests that people will be drawn to you when you are feeling open and curious. But they may find it hard to connect with you when you are preoccupied by your own thoughts or objectives.

In recent studies of leadership and workplace success, experts have increasingly noticed the importance of being self-aware. When you are self-aware, not only are you in touch with your own emotions and values, but also you are honest about them, with both yourself and others. Self-awareness also means that you are aware of other people, and that you understand how your actions might affect them.

If you want to lead or influence other people, it probably will take more than technical skills and a good strategy. In thinking about ways to move ahead in the workplace, consider these suggestions:

Below is a brief book review, as well as a link that will allow you to buy the book directly from Amazon.com. For reviews of other helpful books, along with Amazon links, go to the books page of Bev’s website. If you buy a book this way it will contribute to the cost of distributing Bev’s Tips, and be much appreciated.

Leadership and Self-Deception – Getting out of the box, by the Arbinger Institute, 2000, 2002.

This little volume offers a classic look at a small slice of organizational behavior. In the form of a business novella, it explores what happens when people fool themselves into blaming others.

The authors' underlying premise is that we can understand how others feel about us, and it's to that that we respond. In a fictionalized account of a highly successful company, they set forth the premise that self awareness can lead to extraordinary performance.

Their phrase “in the box” refers to where you'll find yourself when you don't live up to your own value system. Imagine, for example, that your colleagues all plan to work late on an important project. You know that you probably should stay and help them, but you are tired and you want to go home.

You will be “in the box” if you choose to leave but aren't honest with yourself about what you're doing. When you're in the box, you'll start justifying your decision by inflating your own virtues (“I'm always the one who works hard”) and casting blame on others (“They're so lazy, it's about time they did their share”).

The “box” concept may help to explain that boss whose high self evaluation is out of touch with reality. The book offers a few intriguing concepts, and is a good read in the process.

Buy this book.