Bev's Tips for a Better Work Life
Bev Jones' twice-monthly ezine offering you suggestions
for making your career more productive and more fun.

Dear Friends and Clients,

I’m perpetually amazed by how quickly those big birthdays seem to come around. I’ve always envisioned them stretching ahead of me, powerful signposts marking progress and pointing to the road ahead.

I suspect that if I let them surprise me I might find them depressing, as reminders of times gone by and the things I haven’t accomplished. But I don’t approach my birthdays unprepared. The more powerful I find the symbolic impact of my age, the more I prepare for the date.

My approach is two-fold. First, I plan some kind of big and special celebration. (A hard one to top is my 40th birthday, the day on which Andy and I were married in Bermuda.) Then I develop a self-improvement plan, typically including a fitness component to help me look my best on the day of the party.

Birthdays can inspire us to change, because they capture our attention and stimulate reflection. In this issue I’ll discuss one writer’s approach to creating a better life through the process of turning 40. While the book focuses on women in midlife, the techniques it suggests may be helpful, wherever you are in life.

Warm Wishes, Bev


Celebrate Those Big Birthdays
By Creating a Richer Life

March 15, 2011 * Number 144

The prospect of turning 40 hit Sarah Brokaw hard. In her book, “Fortytude,” she writes, “we begin at age 35, with a sinking feeling in our stomachs, to recognize our own mortality. Our youthful beauty starts to fade as wrinkles become undeniable facts that we face every time we look in the mirror…Many women see 40 as the end of their attractiveness, their sexuality, their youthfulness, and sometimes even their creativity.”

As she approached 40, psychotherapist Brokaw was feeling like a failure, at least compared to the standard set by her extraordinary father, NBC’s Tom Brokaw. She started to panic, particularly because she didn’t have the “house-family-husband package” that she had expected.

It is tempting to dismiss Brokaw’s struggle with the Big-Four-O as an over-reaction. But her angst does seem real. For whatever reason, the prospect of her birthday threw her into crisis. What makes the book interesting is that she was able to work her way out of the downward spiral. She moved from wallowing in her supposed failures, to self-reflection and reinvention. She took a stand and said to herself, “This is who I want to be—and I’m going to go for it.”

“Fortytude” is the word Brokaw uses to describe the process of adopting “a take-the-bull-by-the-horns approach to life if you’re not happy with where you are, or if life deals you a particularly painful blow.”

Brokaw’s own process started sensibly, when she defined her five Core Values. She says that focusing on our most fundamental values “can help us to thrive, to lessen our fear of uncertainty, and to become curious rather than judgmental about where we are and what we have.”

The values Brokaw regards as core are:
  • Grace, which she describes as making peace with life events, even when things don’t go the way we want. Grace “is composed of generosity, forgiveness, and equanimity in the face of trying times.”

  • Connectedness, which reflects that humans are social animals, tending to identify ourselves by our membership in various social collectives. Brokaw believes that women, in particular, need the friendship of other women.

  • Accomplishment, which characterizes women who flourish into their 40s and beyond. A benefit of getting older is the sense of mastery that comes as we develop areas of expertise. An accomplished woman, Brokaw says, is one “who knows and appreciates what she is capable of, and sees the strengths in other women as well."

  • Adventure, which reflects a contradictory aspect of human nature. On the one hand, we want to "conserve", creating nests for ourselves and our loved ones. On the other, “we feel a pull to strike forth in search of new experiences that foster our growth. Adventure means not settling into a tired, old pattern but rather challenging ourselves to renew our interest in and enthusiasm for life by pushing out of our comfort zones.”

  • Spirituality, including “a strong pull to reach out to others in a meaningful way, and to connect regularly with a life force larger than our own.”
Brokaw says that when a woman embraces all of these five values, “she has a mental and emotional framework that empowers her to be her most authentic—and actualized—self.”

I agree that being in touch with values like these can help us feel strong as we face the future. But these five words might not be the right ones for you. However, you might use them as a starting point, as you treat the approach of your next birthday as a reminder to pause and reflect on the values that will shape the rest of your life.

Brokaw makes the important suggestion that once you define your Core Values it is important to write them down and look at them frequently. She writes hers on a white board, and every day places a checkmark next to each value, once she has devoted at least a moment of time to it.

Want to explore how issues like these can inspire your career? Visit Bev's website at www.ClearWaysConsulting.com. Check out brief book reviews, eZine archives and Bev’s blog. If you have questions email to Bev directly.
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Bevs Tips for a Better Work Life is published on the first and third Tuesday of each month by Beverly E. Jones of ClearWays Consulting, LLC. Bev is a lawyer and former executive who now coaches accomplished executives and other professionals to bring new direction, energy and enjoyment to their work lives.

Copyright ©2011, ClearWays Consulting, LLC Beverly E. Jones
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