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Dear Friends and Clients,

This is a story of two professionals who lost their jobs in the early days of the economic downturn.

The first – let’s call her Allison – had worked for her company for many years and loved her job. She was close to her boss, she knew her work was valued, and she didn’t worry much when she heard rumors of layoffs. So Allison was shocked when her boss called her into the office one Friday afternoon to say that sweeping budget cuts would require the elimination of her position.

Even though she was promised great references and a generous severance package, Allison felt humiliated and embarrassed by the loss of her job. She was reluctant to tell even her best friends, and she told her husband that she just wanted to stay at home until she could face people more comfortably.

Bob, on the other hand, was furious when he was let go during a wave of layoffs. He’d only been on the job for a year or so, and he knew that his boss regarded him as a poor fit for the organization. Bob felt that budget issues were just an excuse for getting rid of him, he was angry about it, and he complained to anybody who would listen.

This story has a happy ending because both Allison and Bob found great new jobs within a couple of months. At first, Allison couldn’t bring herself to look for a new position because she didn’t know how to talk about her old job. And Bob’s search got off to a rough start because he couldn’t seem to stop bad-mouthing his old employer. Both were lucky, however, because friends and supporters helped each of them to craft words for discussing their old jobs and their next moves.

It is difficult to know how to discuss the situation when a good friend loses a job, and it is even harder to know what to say when we are the ones who have been let go. As I’ll discuss in this issue, learning how to talk about joblessness can be a critical step in finding the next position or creating a new life.

Warm wishes,
Bev

Know Somebody Who Lost A Job?
Or Were You Let Go?
Find Ways to Discuss It

July 15th, 2008 * Number 85

Whether they were laid off, downsized or forced into early retirement, you may know somebody who has lost a job in the midst of this troubled economy. Joblessness can be devastating, even for people not faced with a financial crisis. Regardless of whether we were at fault, losing a position can make us feel ashamed, isolated or frightened.

If we hear that a friend has been let go, we might feel awkward and unsure if we should mention it. And if we are the ones out on the street, we might not know how to talk about it, whether we are in an interview or at a dinner party. In parts of the economy joblessness is widespread these days, so here are some suggestions for discussing it.

If you were let go:

Quietly acknowledge your feelings. Regardless of the circumstances, losing a job can turn your life upside down. Find a comfortable place to talk about your feelings. In addition to talking within your closest circle, consider writing about it in a journal.
Get out there. Maybe you are feeling hurt and your confidence is at a new low. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and find ways to get back in circulation. Whether you are looking for the next job or exploring an alternative way to structure your life, you need to interact with other people. You might ease into the job search by finding other ways to network. Use some of your free time to pursue new interests, volunteer or socialize. If you find new things to talk about you’ll probably feel more relaxed and less self-conscious.
Develop a short story. When you are out and about, don’t get bogged down in the details of what happened in the past. As you work your network, touch upon your old job only briefly and refocus attention on the future. Once you have framed a quick explanation of why you lost your job, you will find that, even in interviews, most people will accept your story and move on.
Focus on the future. Look for opportunities to briefly mention your search. Craft a few upbeat sentences to summarize what you are seeking. When people comment on your loss, let them know you appreciate their support and shift their attention to your next steps.
Never lie. Keep your job loss story brief but honest. If you were fired, don’t share every gory detail, but tell a brief version of the truth.
Don’t badmouth. Even if you were treated unfairly, it’s unwise to say negative things about a former employer. Stick to your quick explanation of what happened, and resist the urge to complain.

If a friend loses a job:

Reach out. Even if you’re not sure quite what to say, don’t hesitate to place a call or send an email when you hear the news. It is lonely to be out of work when all your friends are at the office. You might help by touching base and being willing to listen.
Share your network. Job seekers should talk with a lot of people about what they’re looking for. If you want to support a friend in need, look for ways to help him expand his network and stay in the social flow. Not only might you help by setting up job-related introductions, but also you can offer support simply by including him in social activities.
Don’t make false promises. Don’t offer help that you can’t really deliver. One tough part of finding a job is that well-meaning friends make big promises and then don’t take action. If you suggest lunch, and then don’t set a date, your friend might feel rejected and discouraged.
Focus on the future. If your job-seeking friend is struggling to move beyond shock and anger, you might be able to help her prepare for the marketplace. Suggest a way to summarize the past and help her to articulate what she wants for the future. Help her to recognize her own strengths; when she’s feeling down she might forget all the things she does well.
Offer practical help. When we lose a job, we lose some of our infrastructure. Without an office, it can be cumbersome or expensive to host meetings or produce reports. Be sensitive to the practical difficulties faced by unemployed friends and look for tactful ways to offer resources.

Want More Insights Related to Your Work Life? In addition to providing executive coaching, Bev is available to speak to your group about a broad range of issues related to productivity and leadership. For reviews of helpful books and an extensive archive of Bev’s newsletters, go to Bev’s Website. Visit her website at www.ClearWaysConsulting.com or email to Bev directly. Bev is associated with Executive Coaching & Consulting Associates.

Bev’s Tips for a Better Work Life is published on the first and third Tuesday of each month by Beverly E. Jones of ClearWays Consulting, LLC. Bev is a lawyer and former executive who now coaches accomplished executives and other professionals to bring new direction, energy and enjoyment to their work lives.

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