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Dear Friends and Clients,

In May, I attended the Johns Hopkins University event where my nephew Bruce was inducted into Phi Beta Kappa. Expecting to wait before the program began, I brought along a book written by JHU professor P.M. Forni: "Choosing Civility – The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct."

Before the ceremony started, the lovely harp music and the hushed voices of the guests provided a fitting setting for reading about standards of behavior. Once the program began, however, the tone of the occasion changed.

Suddenly the room was alive with the buzzing, whirring, ringing and clicking of cameras and cell phones. As they struggled to get clear shots, family members stood at their seats, ran down the aisles and leaned across other guests.

In another context, the frenetic audience activity might have felt worse than rude. But at that happy event, the eager maneuvering seemed to add to the festive tone. People seemed glad to accommodate others’ cameras, and even the speakers seemed unbothered by the noise.

I was struck by the obvious: good manners depend on the situation and intent. Civility can be a powerful force, but it must be rooted in good feeling and true consideration of others. In this issue, I’ll discuss some of Forni’s ideas about civility, and share some of my own.

Warm wishes,
Bev

For a Successful Workplace
Commit to Civility

June 3rd, 2008 * Number 83

Leadership is about creating a climate where people can perform and mobilizing them to work together to accomplish great things. And a key step in exercising leadership is to establish a standard of civility.

The term “civility” is sometimes used as a synonym for good manners, but the meaning is deeper than that. Civility is not so much a matter of form as an expression of ethics.

Professor Forni, a widely acknowledged expert on the topic, says that civility is complex, encompasses courtesy, and “does the work of empathy.” In other words, civility is based not just in tradition, but rather on a true awareness of other people.

Civility is important in the workplace because it greatly influences how people get along, as well as how they feel about the organization and their place in it. Where management creates a strong tone of civility, each professional has an opportunity to grow and become fully productive.

Among other rules, Dr. Forni offers these basics:

Take notice. Forni says that when we are with others our first responsibility is to pay attention. If we relate to the world as though we’re on automatic pilot, we can’t do our best in our encounters with our colleagues. Civility requires that we “transcend the Self” and do justice to the presence of others. And as we slow down and note what is going on around us, we also build self-awareness.
Acknowledge others. Civility requires that we acknowledge others’ existence, as well as their feelings and the things they do for us. A simple “hi” or “good morning” is a basic form of acknowledgment. In the absence of civility, people may treat each other as though they are invisible.
Be inclusive. One of our strongest yearnings is to be accepted by others. In a work environment, our colleagues can reduce our effectiveness by treating us as though we don’t belong or aren’t worthy of respect. The greatest leaders foster diversity and set a tone of mutual respect. Each of us can become more inclusive by reevaluating our dislikes, listening to somebody who has never seemed interesting, or making sure that nobody feels left out of a conversation.
Don’t speak ill. Think about the really nice people you know. Chances are that they share the trait of going through life without bad-mouthing their friends. If we constantly put others down, it might mean that we are unsure of our own worth. But by disparaging our colleagues we can drain the team’s energy and set ourselves up for attack. Civility requires that we avoid speaking unkindly of others behind their backs. We might even need to let some colleagues know that we aren’t comfortable with trash talk.
Accept and give praise. In today’s world it may be of questionable taste to give personal compliments while we’re at work. But sincere work-related compliments are appropriate and generally welcome. Congratulations on a job done well are part of a healthy workplace culture. Civility also suggests that we learn to accept praise gracefully. When we deny compliments or go off on a tangent of self-deprecation, the person who offered us praise may feel like we rejected their gift. Sometimes we have to practice saying, “thank you.”
Respect time. One common form of bad manners at work is treating other people as though their time isn’t important. Time is a precious commodity and should always be treated as such. Civility requires not only that we be punctual, but also that we not waste others’ time by dominating the conversation, prolonging a meeting, or indulging in unproductive, repetitive complaints.

Want More Insights Related to Your Work Life? In addition to providing executive coaching, Bev is available to speak to your group about a broad range of issues related to productivity and leadership. For reviews of helpful books and an extensive archive of Bev’s newsletters, go to Bev’s Website. Visit her website at www.ClearWaysConsulting.com or email to Bev directly. Bev is associated with Executive Coaching & Consulting Associates.

Bev’s Tips for a Better Work Life is published on the first and third Tuesday of each month by Beverly E. Jones of ClearWays Consulting, LLC. Bev is a lawyer and former executive who now coaches accomplished executives and other professionals to bring new direction, energy and enjoyment to their work lives.

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