• Hear. The first part of the listening process is making sure that you can hear what is being said. Ask yourself whether you are catching everything the speaker is saying, and repeat his or her words if you want to be sure that you have heard them accurately.
  
  
• Clear your mind. Your mind has a natural tendency to wander. Try to catch it each time it drifts away from the speaker’s words, and refocus on what is being said.
  
  
• Look at the speakers. Resist the temptation to look out the window or watch other people in the room. Bring your full attention to the speakers, and notice their presence as well as their words.
  
  
• Take notes. A great way to grasp what is being said is to write it down. Not only capture a speaker’s words, but also summarize the key points.
  
  
• Ask questions. By asking questions you may clarify your understanding of what is being said, while also signaling that you are paying attention. Be careful of your tone, however, so that you don’t put a speaker on the defensive.
  
  
• Wait before speaking. Allow a brief pause after the speaker has finished. Don’t plunge in with your own points while the other person is still talking.
  
  
• Give quiet feedback. Nod your head, lean forward, or allow your expression to mirror the speaker’s. If you listen with your whole body, you may listen more intensely.
  
  
• Practice mindfulness. You can deepen the way you listen by working to become more mindful. You’ve probably experienced someone who is not in a mindful state, like the waiter who repeats the specials from rote but doesn’t really hear your questions. When people are mindful they seem centered and genuine, and appear to be living in the moment. To practice mindfulness, resist the temptation to worry about the past or the future and instead keep bringing your focus back to what is happening right now.

Below is a brief description of a two books, as well as a links that will allow you to buy them from Amazon.com. For reviews of other helpful books, along with Amazon links go to: ClearWays Books and Services. If you buy any book this way, it will contribute to the cost of distributing Bev's Tips, and be much appreciated.

Mindfulness, by Ellen J. Langer, 1989.

In this provocative book, Langer describes her early psychological research about “mindfulness” and “mindlessness,” and explores the relationship between our state of mind and our actions. This is not a “how-to” guide, but rather a series of essays that describe her scientific work in simple language and raise a number of intriguing questions.

According to Langer, mindlessness can lead to learned helplessness and underachieving. The great news is that mindfulness isn’t complicated, it doesn’t require an altered state of consciousness, and anyone can modify his or her own state of mind or quickly be coached to become more mindful.

On Becoming An Artist – Reinventing Yourself Through Mindful Creativity, Ellen J. Langer, 2005.

Here Langer recaps some of her scientific work on mindfulness, then talks at length about how taking up painting has changed her life. She says that she has found three general rewards from engaging in mindful creativity:

• The sheer joy that the activity brings her;
• Discovering that painting is a window into herself; and
• Learning to use painting as a “two-way interpersonal mirror,” so that she learns about others as she paints and shares her work with them.